The thoughs of evil racing in the back of my mind,
Darkness had fill within this heart,
The heating temperature of my body is the vital sign.
Everyday I feel you torturing me inside,
Everyday I remind myself that I was going to hate you,
I wish I could scream with all my might,
Kill you by strangling you until you turn blue.
All the sins I've commited since the day we met,
I intend to repend for those sins,
Though I am not one to believe in regret,
Yet because of a bastard like you I know I will not win.
Everyday I beat myself up thinking where would I end up,
I am already halfway down that road to hell,
My heart is now filthier than the mud,
And I feel like I can't get out from this well.
Damn you bastard why did I even trust you?
When I knew you were all out there to get me?
Why did I even bother listening to those words coming out from you?
I hope and pray whatever may be will be.
I pray you regret for torturing me this way,
For putting me in my agony and torture,
I pray you will never see the light of day,
Let you get swallow up whole by nature.
I want to seek vengeance to make you feel,
To make you suffer the way I did,
Because it was me you managed to kill,
It was you who made me think that revenge is sweet.
Die! May you find eternal agony,
May you die a thousand death on Earth and in Hell,
I will be there to watch you without any worry,
Your punishment and mine the Devils will tell.
This is a prayer of a sinner,
The sinner you made within me,
In this battle none of us will be a winner,
Burning in the depths of Hell we shall be...
Jezsiema ©
I wrote this in my PGX journal at first. I didn't like it. I had some errors in it. I think. Haha. Not my best ever but then I tried to write this poem with as much angst as possible! :) I was inspired by that one dream a few nights ago. It was a scary dream. There was an alien like experiement attacking almost everyone in the school and there was a bastard of a teacher, who gathered us in the hall saying it was safe for us, but in fact, he wanted to feed us to the fucking alien like bug thing. The alien looked like that alien in that Starship Trooper movie. The one with the long legs.
It looks like the alien in the above picture and for some kind of weird reason, I managed to get away. I had to wake up as it got freakier, which meant, there were suddenly more aliens coming after me.
I don't know but it scared me. That dream. It seemed so real and I hate it when dreams feel real. For me, it means insecurity. I tend to have this paranoia feeling lurking within me. I hate that feeling. It tends to make me feel like getting angry all the time and it makes me feel so much insecurity, too. It is like as if I am going through a rough case of PMS.
All I know, I am feeling very paranoid now. I fucking hate it. It is sickening. Really sickening. I wish it would all go away. I want it to go away. I want everything to be like before. When it all started.
WHAT THE HELL AM I MUMBLING ABOUT? I am feeling so screwed up. Seriously. All I feel is these negatives emotions.
Distress is an irrational contraction, or a fresh opinion that something bad is present, at which people think it right to be depressed.
Lust is an irrational desire, or pursuit of an expected good.
Envy is distress incurred by reason of a neighbor's prosperity.
Rivalry is distress, should another be in possession of the object desired and one has to go without it oneself.
Jealousy is distress arising from the fact that the thing one has coveted oneself is in the possession of the other man as well as one's own.
Sadness is tearful distress.
Troubling is burdensome distress.
Depression is distress accompanied by brooding.
Lust
Anger is lust of punishing the man who is thought to have inflicted an undeserved injury.
Rage is anger springing up and suddenly showing itself.
Hatred is inveterate anger.
Enmity is anger watching as opportunity for revenge.
Wrath is anger of greater bitterness conceived in the innermost heart and soul.
Greed is insatiable lust.
Longing is lust of beholding someone who is not present.
I am feeling ALL that. This is just being me being honest with the world. I am feeling the way I am and it is all because of ONE STUPID dream. I could write a book about that dream but I won't want to dream about it. Oh no!
It is bad enough, after watching that documentary about Aloha 243. I ending up dreaming about a plane crash! I didn't continue sleeping to know what happened! I had to wake up. I think I think too much.
I better not think. I don't want to end up dreaming about stupid things. Owh, well. I think I should stop for now. I don't want to end up dreaming about the worst things and I don't want this blog to disappear. Anything could happen and it is sickening.
Later~!
