Saturday, April 26, 2008

Chelsea vs Manchester United



Haha! Manchester United actually lost to freaking Chelsea! It is a disappointment to others but it is something really funny to me!

How is it funny for me?

Well, it is funny because Fergie warned Chelsea, "IT ENDS TODAY. We'll win the title at Stamford Bridge." I am not a Manchester United fan nor a Chelsea fan. (going to a corner and she says, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!) But I was hoping that Manchester United would win this match.

Fergie shouldn't have been OVER-CONFIDENT! Look what happened? They suffered 3 injuries. But I couldn't stand looking at that Drogba!
nuril : go f**k a f**king dog drogba

She had to add that to MY blog entry! *rolls on the floor laughing* She is still so upset that Chelsea won. It is not that I am upset but Fergie got bitten in the butt. So it is karma for him. He shouldn't have been overly confident.

I don't know what more to say about the match because I was having more fun listening to this loud voice behind me screaming, "F**K CHELSEA! F**K DROGBA! GO F**K AMONG YOURSELVES F**KING CHELSEA!"It would have been cooler if I could record her cursing and ranting about it and then put it into my blog! *giggles*

The best part was when she screamed, "Chelsea should f**king go to f**king hell!"

It was hilarious. You can't hardly concentrate on the game but you are only focusing on that angry voice cursing at the idiot box! Haha! "Woman! It is NOT like they will hear you! But the people underneath us can hear you stomping on the floor. The people next door might not be able to enjoy sex listening to you cursing and ranting away!" Hahahaha!!

Gosh. It was more fun watching her jumping up and down, listening to her cursing away rather than watching the match! Gosh. I don't what else to say about it all except I enjoyed watching my sister more than watching the match.

The match sucked but I enjoyed it anyway because of SOMEONE! *laughs*

Thank God, it wasn't an Arsenal match. If not, I would have been worse than deaf!

Now I Know Why People HATE The Police...

Let me tell you a story.

Today, Miss A was in a hurry to get to a certain place. So, on her way, a car was tailgating her. In front of her, was a BIG FAT BLACK CAR. The driver wasn't driving very fast. She thought, if she had slammed on her brakes, the idiot behind her would ram right at her. But she decided to overtake. As she was about to overtake him, he (the big fatso) actually accelerated and nearly hit her. But he honked at her then TAILGATED her until to the point where she was heading to.

Unfortunately for her, he came out from his car, the man started screaming like a MENTALLY ILL HEADCASE. With a torchlight in his hands, knocking roughly at her window. As he started screaming "You want me to die, is it?" and "I smash your fucking car!" and "I beat your fucking head!" and "I will be watching you!". She felt the anger within her. She was tempted to scream back at him saying, "whose car is bigger, yours or mine? If you had hit me, I would have gotten it bad!" but did she?

Stupid bitch said nothing.

Instead, she explained though with a choke in her throat saying that if she had continued at the lane before cutting in front of him, but the bastard just continued shouting at her. With no more patience within her, while he was shouting at her, she had to scream angrily, "OKAY, I AM SORRY!" Only then, he went away. Fast. After talking in Chinese over the phone. Giving to the call recipient her plate number and car type.

Later, the guards who were watching told her to go home straight. She had explained to them what happened. They knew she was angry because harsh words and angry tears started coming along. Instead of going home straight, she contacted her boyfriend. Being protective, he got angry and wanted to go look for the guy. But she told him don't bother. She felt she was 'abused' and she remembered in the Holy Koran it says that an abused soul's prayer will be answered. She prayed hard. Since it was a DEATH he wanted in his BIG car, that is what she will pray for him. She was angry. She felt abused. Her boyfriend, then told her to contact her uncle, who knew almost everyone in town. She contacted him while her boyfriend contacted her brother. Her brother suggested that she report to the police. She did decide on it when she was driving to rendezvous with her boyfriend. She intended to report that car driver for THREAT. After telling her uncle the story. He said he would help her out.

Turns out, he called her a few hours later asking, "Are you sure you gave me the right plate number?" She was quite shock and said she was sure. The answer that came out, "He is a police officer."

WHAT THE FUCK?

A POLICE OFFICER? A POLICE OFFICER TALKING LIKE A GANGSTER? It would be understandable IF they person he was handling was a real criminal! By right, the situation should be handled professionally, NOT unethnically! The way he handled Miss A was really UNPROFESSIONAL! The way he should have handled her was ASKED her WHY did she drive the way she did... instead of screaming, "You want me to die, is it?"

Logically, compared to his car, her car was small. She could easily lost her life if he had hit her hard. Her car would damage more easily than his. Why did he behave as if his life was at stake? He was at the safer side. She wasn't. Why did he feel like his life was threated? People these days. Overly dramatic. When he asked her, "You want me to die, is it?", he was being selfish. Why was he selfish? He was thinking of HIMSELF but NOT other people. Not the car who was tailgating her from behind. He would have died if she had braked suddenly! Why didn't he think of other people instead of himself? To think he is a police officer!

Ever since, Miss A declared to people who knew about the situation, "I hate Chinese policemen." She specifically said, "CHINESE POLICEMEN". This can start racism. It is ATTITUDE like this gives BAD IMPRESSION to a POLICEMAN and to his race.

Either that, it is PURE MALE EGO. Maybe he felt threaten that a girl actually is confident when driving dangerously. But he shouldn't have done what he did. He shouldn't have screamed at her asking whether she wanted him to die. Or threaten her saying he want to smash her car or bash her head. Or use that torchlight to tap, no not tap, KNOCK on her window. It was very unprofessional of him.

She had a defense, in case he didn't know. She found out he was a police officer and she was THREATEN by a police officer like a gangster would threat another person. Only then, it was concluded.

Now, we all know WHY people normally HATE the police. I am sorry to actually blog about this. The police actually misuse their power.. they don't do things professionally anymore. Some of them accept bribery, some of them acts like a gangster.

So, what is there to respect towards them?

Now I know why people HATE the police. It is all due to their own faults in misusing power.


To think, I wanted Maman to join the police force -_-" now, I am thinking twice. Many thanks to a MENTALLY ILL HEADCASE MISS A ENCOUNTERED TODAY!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Optical Illusions


What do you see in the above picture? At first glance, I would see an old man facing an old woman. Look BEYOND that... there are so many things in ONE picture :)

Optical illusions are interesting things. CLICK HERE for more.

Makes you think :)

This Fear

Sometimes, I tend to think about what will life be of me. How will it end? What is there for me? What am I going to achieve in the future.

I am being frankful, I am afraid of the future. I don't want to think about it but I am deathly afraid of the future. I am afraid of many things.

I don't want to know what the future hold of me. I know I've been thinking alot about it lately but then, I am afraid at the end of the day, after so much expectations, I end up with disappointment.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

On St. Thomas Secondary School (Kuching)

Although, I started proper education in St. Mary's Secondary School, I would rather blog about St. Thomas' School history.



In 1847, the Anglican Mission arranged to come to Sarawak when Sir James Brooke introduced education to the State. The adult school started by Rev William Bolham Wright; conducted in the dispensary of the priest cum doctor Francis Thomas MacDougall, it had six students.

By August 5th 1848, MacDougall rented an empty house in the bazaar for his first boy's school, at that time starting with 9 boys. This home school which was to evolve into the St Thomas of today was run entirely on mission funds, but tremendous assistance from the Rajah was evident. By granting land (College Hill) to the mission, he made building of Mission House possible. In 1850, St. Thomas had 20 students. Five years later, then an increase on 5 students joined the school.

In February 1857, the school was caught in the Chinese revolt. Although the boarders were smuggled out of town and kept safe, some of the students were caught and killed by rebels. Some of the school's equipment was destroyed.

However in 1863, 43 pupils attended St. Thomas School. While by 1876, there were about 62 pupils receiving education from St. Thomas'. The school was threatened by an epidemic of cholera in the State in the year 1877, which claimed the life of the head monitor of the school, Sidukal. Then the students were evacuated to Santubong.

By 1885, the earliest building of St Thomas was built at a cost of $6,500/-. And the architect was Mr H Averett. The completed school building (in 1886) was declared open by Rajah Charles Brooke and blessed by Bishop Hose. The first stage of the main building had three classrooms on the ground floor. The dormitories and master's quarters were on the upper floor of the building. It was made possible mainly from donations by Bishop Chambers and Rajah Charles Brooke.

By the year 1909, St. Thomas had 252 pupils and out of 72 of them were boarders. Under Bishop Mounsey, a new wing including a second tower was added to the school block in the year 1913, which remains until today. The dining hall was built and opened in 1916. While in the year 1919, there was record of 7 standards.

In 1927, the assembly hall connected to the main building was completed. It has a hall on the ground floor and two classrooms above and was made possible by funds from the Mission ($6,000/-) and $8,000 was a gift from the Rajah. Two years later, two large buildings containing the four boarding houses were built again from money given by the Rajah. It was declared open by Justice Boyd. The main domitories, sick room and chapel in the old building were turned into classrooms. The top dormitories became stores. The P'Chient Hall became the new chapel and the kitchen became the vestry.

The junior certificate was conducted for the first time in 1930. The senior certificate was first held five years later.

It gets interesting here... The year 1941. In December, the school was taken over as an army camp during Japanese occupation, with the Principal's house turned into its headquaters. At the end of the war after 5 years, as a result of allied bombing and stripping of badly needed timber, the boarding houses, Principal's houses and offices were left in ruin.

However in 1952, a new tuckshop was built. The next year, the Higher School Certificate was sat for the first time. The same year on May 29th, the new science block was declared opened by the Governor of Sarawak, Sir Anthony Abell. And on the same day, school uniforms became compulsory. As the school grew bigger, the difficulty of maintaining adequate funds for the running of the school became more acute. After lengthy process of assessment and careful consideration, St Thomas School became an aided school, with 50% of approved capital expenditure being undertaken by the government.

In 1957, common entrance examination was introudced, where 30% of the students from primary school was selected for secondary school. November that year, the contruction of the new primary school building started.

In June 1958, the newly completed primary school building was declared open by Datuk Wee Kheng Chiang, who donated $50,000/-, along with the government contribution of 50% of the construction cost.

A new assembly hall was completed in 1969, named after the main donor, Datuk James Wong (who donated $80,000/-). The other major donor was Datuk Wee Hood Teck. The ground floor of the new assembly hall had four classrooms, a library and toilets. Yet, the building was declared opened by TYT Yang Di Pertua Negeri Sarawak, Tan Sri Tuanku Haji Bujang.

January 4th 1972, the junior secondary school moved in to the newly completed block, with toilets, bicycle shed and driveway. The next year, the 125th anniversary of the founding of the First Anglican Schools in Kuching was celebrated.

However, the late Tun Hussein Onn, then Education Minister, officially declared open the new Junior secondary school on March 12th 1973. In May that same year, Mr Song Thian Eng, one of the most faithful, longest serving and the most famous student and staff of the School retired as Headmaster. He was awarded ABS by the governent for his contribution to education.

The common entrance examination was abolished, leading to automatic promotion to Form One in line with the government's comprehensive education system. Primary 5 assessment test was introduced in 1974. Two years later, the Local Junior Examination was replaced by L.C.E. While in 1979 the Senior Cambrige Examination was replaced by M.C.E.

An unfortunate even happened on October 5th 1979 when the main school building was burned down, leaving an empty shell apart from the two towers that defied burning. The school library which occupied the first floor, scouts' den at the attic and the roof, along with lecture hall, audio visual room and other classrooms on the ground floor were consumed. Under the chairmanship of the late Tan Sri Ong Kee Hui, a fund raising committee comprising most of the high ranking officers and politicians in the state set out to raise the necessary fund to restore the main block.

In 14 May 1989, the principal's office and staff room was burned, though little was lost, much records was consumed.

Enough of the history until the late 80s :) Now, moving on to something else...



The advent of our new badge (replacing the old), which was entirely designed and executed by the late Mr. Kong Yu Siung (P.B.S., A.M.N.), one of our masters, marks yet another turning point in the history of our school.

The design on the badge consists of a mitre, a lamp, a carpenter's square and a badger, the whole shield being surrounded by a girdle with the motto beneath.

The mitre indicates the fact that the school is a Christian one under the Church with the Bishop as its head, the mitre being the distinctive headdress of a Bishop.

The lighted lamp symbolized the light of knowledge that we gather in the school.

The carpenter's square is the emblem of St. Thomas, our Patron Saint, who was a carpenter.

The animal as will be recognized by all is the Badger, which is to be found on the crest of The Sarawak Government. It is with permission of the Government that we have been allowed to include this in our design as indicating the country in which the school works.

The badge takes the shape of a shield. Just as the knights of old wore their shields as sources of inspiration and protection, we hope that by wearing our badges we may be constantly reminded to overcome many temptations and ungentlemanly acts in our battle of life.

The idea of the girdle of Our Lady surrounding the whole shield has been taken from tradition which says that she threw it to St. Thomas from heaven. It is very appropriate that the relationship between the two schools - St. Thomas' and St. Mary's - which stand in the same Mission compound, should thus be connected.

The Motto, "Aim Higher", is one which is applicable to all walks of life. It was adopted by the school since 1942 by the suggestion of Fr. Hollis at a School Prize-Giving."

I think I will write more later. I need new pictures of the school now and I want to dig up the history of the school song :)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

These Suicidal Dreams...

Dreams are said to be a mind boggler. For over the past few days of my so-called depression, I have been dreaming of suicide. Sounds bad, huh?

The dream goes... I jump off from the building. There in my dream, there is a feeling of uncertainty on whether I will hit the ground before I wake up. It is sickening. It's scary.

Anyway, I went to a site and it say; "At a first glance this dream seems to be all negative. One would think that it connotes self hatred, deep depression, "giving up," and other such negative thoughts and feelings. At times this may be the interpretation and if this is so for you please confined in a friend or a loved one and seek professional help. However, there is a lighter and much more positive interpretation of this dream. It could suggest that the dreamer is making progress and is becoming a more "integrated" person. All of us have many aspects to our personality and our character. Dreaming that you are committing suicide may be symbolic of you "killing" of one aspect of your self."

Well, there is something that is bothering me lately. I don't even know it is myself but... I know I want that feeling to 'die'.

These dreams are just toying with my mind. It is a fact that dreams aren't really real. Yet, the eerie thing about it. It FEELS real. There are some mornings when I wake up, I feel a certain chill and some mornings, I wake up sweating cold sweat. The thing is, I have my fan on directly onto me and yet, I find myself sweating and feeling the heat from my body.

I wish... that SOMEBODY would be there for me to listen to my pains instead of being a male-skank like his other friends. Now, I seriously don't want to let my emotions out to anyone. I would rather keep it locked up in my heart. I know that it hurts but... I have to learn to control my temper. Damn this feeling that lurks within me.

My heart just got darker. I look cheerful on the outside but people think that I am bubbly. They. Are. Dead. Wrong. They think I am not full of dark secrets. My heart is getting darker by the day.

I don't know what is wrong with me... except, I know all I have in my head besides SUICIDE is revenge. If I want a person dead, I hope my wish doesn't come true. I want that person to die. NOT THAT PERSON, THOSE PEOPLE to die. They left nasty scars on my heart which made me go back to the darkness. I thought because of Maman, I would be full of light and will always be shining. They set my sun. They turned of my lights. They clouded my rays. I swear I will find my sun, my light and the ray back into my heart again. But, I want to see them suffer. I want them to suffer silently. I want them to feel how I had felt.

"Revenge is sweeter than honey as forgiveness is bitter than medicine..."

I hope they regret that they ever messed with me. I hope they will die forever in guilt. I will make sure the things they've done to us will haunt them big time. ESPECIALLY N***M, who thinks he is a gangster when he is so NOT. That is the biggest hypocrite that I've ever met. I hope ONE day, there will be a chance if I know he was caught by the police for something, I will be there to laugh at him in his cell. He DESTROYED my - rather Maman's - life.

I guess, I better stop. It makes me angry just to remember all this. It makes me angry to remember how that bastard look like. It makes me angry remembering how that skank treated me despite it all. I want them to suffer. Long and slow.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Sharing...

...

Since the day it became cloudy,
I realised it was going to be stormy,
I knew all I was going to feel was pain,
And that it was always going to rain;
When it started pouring,
My happiness died without a warning,
Darkness came over me,
Yet I did nothing but to let it be...
Rubies flowed down my razored open flesh,
I watch as my hopes and dreams crash,
Tears flow down my face endlessly,
While feeling the pain within me...


Argh................!!!!

Enough said.

Regarding Nuril's Blog

This might be another short one. I can only explain ONE word about my sister...

NUTS.
Why? I was reading her blog and I know she is pissed at one girl. Well, what to do if there are some girls who think that they are all that. I know those girls still exist and I hate them for existing.

I hate people like that. They don't look into the mirror. They tend to think that they are capable of stealing people's boyfriends/fiancess/husbands. I hate people like that. I wish I could kill them for that. Don't they realised by doing that they are 'killing' their reputation as a girl? People will look down on them. People will have the impression that they are cheap.

Gosh. They just don't think of their reputation as something that is important. It is weird because they don't care about what people think. They don't mind being called a slut. They. Think they are perfect.

The case that Nuril was talking about... well, that girl is not only SHAMELESS but she is desperate and is a STALKER!

Hahaha!!

"Look into the mirror... see who is that shameless freak in the mirror staring back at you!"

Being Random

Most people believe that, it is crucial to have a significant other to go on with life. I have to disagree because even without another person in our lives, we can still have the will to go on living. I admit, I may be quite dependent onto Maman but then I try not to depend too much on him.

Some people just cannot live without a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sometimes, they tend to bitch and whine about being lonely.

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL I AM RANTING ABOUT NOW...

Talking about being random~!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


For a Bear



As the sun roll down to set peacefully to give way to the moon and stars,
Zigzagging hue of sunset colours decorate the sky,
I wonder why you have to be the way you are because of them;
My happiness destroyed by their filthy hands,
All the only good thing i feel fly out the window,
Now even with you nothing feel like what it used to be...
Because of the poison that consumed you,
I feel so much pain and grief and sadness,
Nothing seems perfect like it used to be,
I wish i could take the pain away from you,
Sometimes i wish those poison never exist,
May they who poisoned you get what they deserved,
And may i find strength to continue this battle i am in and;
I want to prove to him even it cause me my life,
Love is all that I have for him...

Advise...

DANCE


as though as no one is watching you

LOVE


as though as you have never been hurt before

SING


as though as no one can hear you

LIVE


as though as heaven is on Earth

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Semok! Semok! and the Randomness

Semok! Semok!

Shoot... That is the best memory I had when in St. Thomas' with my Upper 6 Arts Seniors.

Penguin.

I wonder where is she now! The Artic or Antartica? Gosh, I miss most of our seniors in St. Thomas'. They were so much fun!

Faiz, Begok, Mirai and so forth! I miss them so much!!


This is the one movie I am looking forward to! I will blog more later. Now, I am feeling kinda blur! :D

I only blogged because I suddenly remembered my St. Thomas' seniors. :)

SEMOK! SEMOK!!

You Can Tell That...

I am superbored. I was in Nuril's blog. One entry (the girl who cried CICAK!), she started off with "patipatipatipa".

Reminds me on how I annoyed her one day.

Gosh, I can't wait to see Arieanna. I got something for her when in Singapore.

ARGH! I can't wait to get out of the house now.

I want to go have lunch somewhere :)

Another Randomness

Hell, I am actually thinking of Old Chang Kee's Carrot Cake! Damn! Enough said. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. Except.

I WANT OLD CHANG KEE'S CARROT CAKE!

There. Enough said.

Ungodly Hour Randomness!

Read on...

ME: I want to got to That CD Shop
MUM: Which CD shop?
ME: There! Towards that Gloria Jean coffee place Aunty Letty took us the other day!
MUM: Which one...?
ME: THAT CD SHOP... *almost annoyed*

*walks and stands in front of the CD shop mentioned*

MUM: Owh! The name of the shop is That CD Shop.
ME: *slaps on forehead*

Yes. That is how the confusing conversation went. It is amazing how Singaporeans can come up with catchy names like that. For instance, at the East Coast (Seafood Restaurant haven!), there is a seafood place called "No Signboard Seafood".

And... to add on...

I cannot wait for August 22nd 2008. It is amazing how Maman and I can stand each other for so long. Normally by a year and a half, I would be almost bored and at the edge with a guy. Surprisingly, with Maman, I can last for more than that.

Despite the problems between the two of us. At least we managed to hang tough :) He had been there when I needed him the most and I know he was the one healing most of the pain I felt. Sometimes, he was the reason why I feel the pain.

I don't know, as according to Bg Lan, there is a reason why Maman cannot let me go. The reason is plain and simple. He has no one else to be there for him. I admit, his friends are normally using him. His fair weathered friends that is.

Maman is just too nice to people who aren't nice to him. People who aren't honest with him. Along came a BLACK SHEEP named Jaja who takes him for who he is. And yet, she is the one he tend to not believe in.

Maman is a great guy. But he doesn't know that. He is a nice guy. That he knows. But then with people taking advantage of him, he thinks, it is just being him. Mr. Nice Guy. The thought all come back when I think that everything he's got money, people tend to be nice to him but when he is broke. People tend to neglect him. Pretend he is not there.

I feel so much pity for him. It is not that I am with him because I pity him but because I know he can make a difference in my life. He is the one who brings the sun and the rain into my life. Yet, it is his friends who gives me the thunderstorms. I care for him. I wished he knew how much I care for him... I wish he was like how he used to be. He never cared less of what people said about him. It was just us.

I know he is struggling to change but... I wish I understood why he changed so drastically because of PEOPLE who thinks they can OWN anyone just like that. I wish I can kill his friends. I mean, those friends who are taking advantage of him. I want them dead. DEAD.

Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!























.................



No wonder he is afraid to be honest with me where his friends are concerned. He knows I hate them and he hates my guts! I don't pretend to like them, I show them I HATE them. Why should I conceal my hate? For instance that dickhead named Abon! He knows how much I hate him and how I BLAME him for spoiling Maman! Owh well. I know who I am. I know WHAT I am capable of. I am just me.

They can hate me. Go ahead. Don't they think that they are NOT the reason why I am this way. They are the reason why I hate every single one of them and the thing is, I am NOT afraid to SHOW them my hatred. I don't care.

Why should I care?

Talk all you want. Say all you want. LIE all you want. Just don't make me hope for the worse. If you've got a problem with me. Shut the fuck up and masturbate or something. Hahaha! Owh well.

About issues about SOME people. I hope those pots better realised that they are as black as us KETTLES. They better not talk or say anything without using their brains. Wait. Malfunctioning or DYFUNCTIONING brains. They better go LOOK into the mirror before criticisizing other people. They better not think the world revolve ONLY around them. They better realised. NOT ONLY THEY ARE SUPERIOR. There are OTHERS who are way better than them and has MORE potentials then them! I hope, they get what they deserve.

I think I better be off now. It is almost dawn. I am bound to wake up early and get sleepy in the afternoon! :D

So, I am done ranting about PEOPLE. Haha! Gosh, why did God make them so retardedly immature? *rolls on the floor laughing* Not only they are conceited, they are also self-centered and takes pleasure in pointing fingers at other people! HAHAHAHA!!
Just. Like. That. Fat. Bastard. At. Sukma!
EXACTLY like him. Haha! Or that skank with NO PRICE from THAT particular village. I think the mother must have dropped them on their heads when they were still babies because they were ugly! HAHAHAHAHA!!

More later. I am still having the time of my life laughing at these people. Screwed up in the brain people. Gosh!

*laughs out loud*


Unfortunately...

I cannot find the perfect skin. Most of the nice ones are NAVIGATION!

And...

I cannot stand navigation blogskins. I tend to get lost. Haha! Owh well. Different people different liking.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Making Up for Being Missing

Too bad, I didn't take many pictures as I was supposed to. I went on a shopping spree *laughs* but I am not one to get stuff I don't actually use or need. So I think this shopping spree was a good one. I got the things that was hard to get back home.

Anyway.

While in the flight, when we were about to land. I noticed something which freaked me out a little. I noticed the Singaporean air was so hazy. It was brown instead of clear blue skies (sorry all Singaporeans). The moment I stepped on Singaporean soil, I could feel my throat react. That shows how dependent I am on fresh air in Kuching.

But... I LOVE SINGAPORE! They have the things I wished we had in Malaysia! They have so many interesting things like Ben and Jerry's and Old Chang Kee! Gosh. I already miss Phish Food!! Gosh. I think I better go now. I am still sleepy. Argh!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Reds

The soul within me,
Black as the heart of a sinner,
I feel cheated,
I feel lied to,
The feeling of disbelieve lingers through my mind,
Deep within me I feel anger,
Even the sadness,
Most of all the disbelieve,
Feeling betrayed,
And used,
I cry these tears,
Which seems endless,
Like the longest of rivers,
My eyes starts to sting,
But I continue shedding these tears,
I don't care about the pain I feel,
I don't care even if I lose sight,
There is no more will to see,
To feel or to go on with life,
Things would be better if,
Instead of tears,
Blood flow from my eyes,
Things would be better if,
It wasn't the cold that is piercing my skin,
But icy knives,
Or even fiery hot blades,
Slicing my skin,
Causing me to bleed,
And to suffer endlessly,
Silently,
Leave me,
Though reluctantly,
I beg you to leave me alone,
Within these suicidal memories,
Of you and me...

JEZSiEMA (c)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Silent Prayer

I weep in this rain,
Cold,
Lost,
Miserable,
In pain,
The droplets stings my skin,
Like icy knives cutting through,
The rushing blood within my veins flow,
I pray desperately,
I ask from Him,
For your welcoming arms,
And your warm smile,
The days where it was sunny,
Even when it rained,
There was still sunlight;
I miss you,
I wish you knew that,
I missed everything about you before,
Many days,
Within loneliness,
Tears fall like rain,
While there were times it flowed like rivers,
Your constant smile remains a sweet memory,
Your warm touch remains a ghostly feeling on my skin,
The gentle kisses you gave me stays in my mind,
I want you to be the way you were,
Back to the days when you were always there for me,
The days when I felt loved,
Warmth,
Dependence,
Closeness with you...
I would swim across the ocean of fire,
Walk through the forest of ice,
Just to feel you again,
Just to be with you again,
Just to be the only one you loved...

JEZSiEMA (C)

"Kettle, why are you black?" asked the black Pot

I realised so many things lately. There are too many POTS around. They tend to criticisize other people but they don't realised about themselves.

Gosh.

Short thought. I am bored now. Laters.

Monday, April 7, 2008

BLOGTHINGS




You Are: 30% Dog, 70% Cat



You and cats have a lot in common.

You're both smart and in charge - with a good amount of attitude.

However, you do have a very playful side that occasionally comes out!








You Are Amy Lee!



Gothy, expressive, woman-in-pain

Who looks damn good in a corset

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears"








Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC



"Back in black, I hit the sack,

I've been too long, I'm glad to be back"



Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.

But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!



I AM DRIVING A RED CAR xD




You Should Drive a Red Car



You're the type of driver who isn't afraid to be the fastest on the road.

You have a lot of energy built up, and you tend to get your adrenaline fix from driving.

Moving at hyper speed, you tend to be annoyed with slow drivers and slow people.

Life's too short to be slowed down by someone else!

Waiting

I sit alone by the corner,
Praying and hoping,
Waiting patiently,
For an answer,
A sign,
A miracle,
A reply from Above,
A flicker of hope,
A time when everything used to be bright...
I silently wait,
For this pain to go away,
This uncertainty turn to dust,
This deep cut within my soul to heal,
The words of doubt to turn into a song of laughter,
For my tears to dry...
Painfully I wait for,
Your comforting arms around me,
Your hand holding mine tightly,
Your gentle whispered words in my ears,
Tearfully I endure this wait,
For you to tell me not to cry anymore,
For you to assure me that I am yours,
And that you are mine forever...
Of all the waiting,
I am only waiting for one thing,
I am waiting for us to be like how we used to be once upon a time...

JEZSiEMA (C)

Sunday, April 6, 2008

DSLR Madness!

About the Nikon D80....

Saturday was the chance to actually test it. Theme? Extreme games. Only with my normal, 18 - 135mm lens, there were a number of nice pictures taken. I don't have the camera now since I told Bg Jenni to upload it into his computer.

FULL SPEC HERE

Compared to the D40x I used last year, I find using the D80 has more fun to it.

Gosh, no wonder people are so obsessed with DSLRs. They ARE addictive to use. Yet, honestly, this is my opinion. I prefer using Nikon. It is more user friendly. Owh well. I dare not say too much because everyone is entitled to their own say.

Better stop now. Too blank to even think of anything. I feel like I want to ENJEN (crap talk) in PGX.

Poet's Block .......................!

The nights are colder without your soft whisper,
The dawn breaks slower without your tenderness on my skin,
I miss everything about you,
And everything back when there was nothing in between you and me,
Those days your hand always warm mine when it rained,
And your smile would chase the storm away,
The fear that lurks within me deeply,
Quietly and discreetly killing me slowly,
This is all because for my love for you,
Then,
If love is a form of suicide,
Slowly,
I am wasting my life away,
Just for you...

~Jezsiema~


Honestly, I don't really know how to write poems anymore. I don't have the idea. I am not angsty enough. I am not depressed enough. I realised all that. I write better if I feel low. Right now, I don't think I feel anything. Except being tired.

Been out since 10 something. Got home by 3.30 pm? I think. Gosh. I think I will stop here. Too blank to blog...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Vengeance

For all my life. I was NEVER brought up to keep on to vengeance. Yet as I grew older, my heart turned out black. I forgive but I NEVER forget. There are times, I let people be and pray they find misfortune. And yes, it (misfortune) tends to happen to them. Owh well. I dare not say anything much more now.

Except, I know who I am. I also know God listens to those who are depressed. I was depressed and frustrated when I prayed for THAT person to find misfortune. To think I laughed at his misfortune yet it served him right.

I am getting blur now. Later. Probably.

Friday, April 4, 2008

His Heart. Her Understanding.

Shari sat down quietly in her room thinking about Mike. Along with what her brother, Larry had said about Mike. She didn't understand it at first.

"The only reason why Mike cannot let go of you, it because of your heart. You never fail to understand him. You never neglect him. You never stopped believing and building confidence into him."

After Mike had poured out his heart, she understood why they were still together despite of all the problems they've faced. It was true. She was his place when he was facing a problem. She was the one place where he poured his heart out to. She understood him.

She could only hope and pray that his family would appreciate him. He was ALWAYS there for his family... his mother... his siblings. But she realised, when he gets into trouble, none of them would even stop and look. Yet, she knew, she was the one who was always by his side. She also knew, she would always want to be by his side. In times of hardship and in times of leisure.

She had to admit it, that was the only way she could show that she loved him... And no one could replace him.


Don't ask where I got the inspiration from ;) It suddenly came into my head. I am sleepy now. Better stop. Too much petrol fume in my body system. Argh!

Weird Little Things These Japanese Come Up With



Just comment. Thanks :) Will blog more later.

No Use For A Blog Title (iii)

Gosh. I thought by being someone's wife and a mother would make that person more responsible.

I.
WAS.
WRONG!

GOSH!! You know how after a normal birth, the doctors have to sew the you-know-what. What happened recently? Her stitches came out. Who she blamed? The husband! What did the poor guy do? It is not like he would go in between her legs just to untie those stitches! I've had stitches on my arm before and yet from the looks of it, it is NOT easy to open it! Yes, it may be uncomfortable but don't blame other people when the stitches come apart! Damn!

I am so angry. I am actually shaking. No wonder the brother of the husband seemed upset. I would be too, if my brother was treated that way. Damn. I am speechless. I am so angry, I am actually speechless...

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Good Pictures: Camera Or Skills/Ability?

What if I ask you this:- what camera did I use to take this picture? :)



You will be surprised.

CLICK HERE PLEASE. (or RIGHT CLICK >> OPEN IN NEW WINDOW/TAB)

To think this picture is NOT EDITTED. It is the ORIGINAL picture.


I must need a DSLR (Digital Single Lense Reflex) camera to produce nice pictures. Not just ANY DSLR but the expensive type.



What do I think to that statement? I disagree. Even with the camera I used to take with for that picture, I can get a nice picture like that. I am NOT praising myself but I think photography should be treated like LITERATURE.

How is it that photography should be treated like literature? You have to think of something that is OUTSIDE THE BOX. You don't DIRECTLY point then snap the picture. Literature, within a set of words, there are something else in between the line. It is up to one to think outside the box.

The way one takes a picture is like the way one appreciate a certain lyric/poetry. Many people have different perspective but we are all looking at the same picture.

If people were to tell me a picture is taken good BECAUSE of the camera, MAYBE I will turn around and ask them, "So, a good book is written with a good pen or paper?"

That is how I see it. I don't care if people disagree. After all, to me, even with a normal camera I can still produce nice pictures after all. Come to think of it, with the lowest grade of all cameras I can produce the picture above and although I do have some little skills in Photoshop, that picture is 100% original.

I hope people would stop bragging about what they own and learn more to sharpen their skills. That way, they can produce better pictures.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

No Use For A Blog Title (ii)

Behind some masks are dark secrets...
Behind some other masks are scars from the past...
Behind some masks are colours of the rainbow...
Yet behind some FAMILIAR masks are lies, deceit and slander...


Gothique^Death (c)

I cannot believe I wrote that... 2 years ago. September 21st 2006 to be exact. I cannot remember to save my life, for who was that poem for.

Which reminds me of LIES, DECEIT AND SLANDER. Today, I learnt ONE thing. The person who seem close and positive MIGHT be the person who is dangerous and couldn't be trusted. Whoa~

Another thing I found in my PGX Journal. This:-

People.

To be hated. To be loved. It is normal in life. I mean, seriously. People can bullshit about another person but then at the end of the day the one trying to pull you apart from another will be the one in deep trouble! Sad, eh?

People.

ENOUGH SAID..


Gosh.

I think. I will blog more. Later. Getting clueless. Haha!

Disney Pulls Out The Child In Us



Your all-time favorite Disney film?
+ The Lion King. I LOVE THE BROADWAY, too :) The theme is beautiful. Then there is... STITCH :D

Favorite Disney princess?
+ Princess Jasmine. Haha!! She reminds me of someone I know very well and her situation is VERY much like that someone I know, too :)

Favorite Disney prince?
+ None. They are too... WAIT!! PRINCE ERIC from the Little Mermaid. If Aladdin was a prince, I would have said him. But he is NOT a prince. Unfortunately for me. Haha!

Favorite most recent Disney movie?
+ Enchanted. I love the ending. It is so twisted. Haha! Very different from the other Disney movies.

Favorite classic Disney movie?
+ The Fox and the Hound - is a beautiful story actually. Haha! The theme is lovely. I never fail to cry watching this movie. Two natural enemies become best friends.
+ Mary Poppins - another nice themed movie. She appears because Mr. Banks is a work committed guy and does not care for his family. THIS IS THE CLASSIC VERSION of Nanny McPhee :D

Favorite Disney Characters?
+ Stitch. Lilo. Hades. Tramp. Baloo. Bagheera. LOL! TOO MANY BUT MY ULTIMATE IS STITCH!! I can imagine him saying, "MY NAME IS STITCH!" awww!! He is just... naughtily cute!

Least favorite Disney movie?
+ Snow White

Why?
+ it's too... erghhh~~!! Snow White whines! "someday my prince will come..." arghh~!!

Favorite Disney TV show?
+ Lilo and Stitch :)

Favorite Disney TV show character?
+ Stitch!

Random
If you could be any Disney character,who would it be?

+ Lilo! :D

And why?
+ Hahahahaha!! ASK ADEEB WHY! ONLY Adeeb can tell the answer WHY I SHOULD BE LILO!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Adeeb!! xD

Which Disney film has the best love story?
+ If as in FAMILY LOVE: The Lion King and Brother Bear.- i love the THEME ofthe movie. it is beautiful.
+ If as in ROMANTIC LOVE: The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.- reminds me of someone i know for all my life ;) ME.

Think!
First Disney film you ever watched?

+ Snow White -_-" but I remember loving The Little Mermaid as a child.

The last Disney film you watched?
+ Enchanted. Or Twitches. not so sure now. OH YES! MONSTER INC! BOO! :D I was watching it with my elder sister one night. ALL BECAUSE OF BOO! We love Boo!

The next Disney movie you plan on watching?
+ Lilo and Stitch. The Lion King. Beauty and the Beast. Brother Bear. Mulan. I love Disney. It is not funny. Then there is the Pirates of the Carribeans :) the ride in Disneyland is fun! YOO HOO YOO HOO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME...

* * * * *


Walt Disney- nobody will forget him. What he did is something every child and even adult will remember. He made many happy. I maybe 24 years old but I love Disney movies. As dark as my soul is Disney enlightens me. Disney. He is a legend. No less than a man. He is still a legend.

Walt Disney in a way pulls out the child within all of us. People enjoy watching Disney movies. The classics and so forth. I for one, still love watching The Fox and The Hound despite that movie coming out when I was still a child. Disney Production makes us remember that we all have a child within us. That makes it all special.

Walt Disney, thanks for making childhood worth remembering :) You are dearly remembered.

An Eye For An Eye

DISCLAIMER: a hell lot of cursing in this entry


After today. I believe in KARMA! How is that I believe in karma? Simple. I saw the bastard today. The bastard who in-a-way stole my happiness with Maman. He was the one who made me not trust Maman like before. HE was the mother fucking bastard who made Maman one of his CROONIES.

BUT...

THANK GOD, MAMAN REALISED ABOUT THAT MOTHER FUCKER! Before he was the fucker who said; "Maman is the one who would call and bring us to the club." Guess what? I believed the mother fucker. Maman, who apparently, kept the messages in his phone SHOWED me a message from that fucker, "In the mood to club tonight. Get ready to club. Be there or else..."

WHAT THE FUCK??

BUT!!! After today! I saw his car. Dented here and there. The windows cracked. Front. Back. Center. Gosh! The car was in a shape where it was being sabotaged by people!! I liked what I saw today.

The bastard DESERVED it! Muahaha!! Really he does deserve it! At least I know for sure people DO NOT LIKE HIM! HAHAHAHAHA!! To think once upon a time, Maman was a stupid idiot to RESPECT a jackass like that guy!

I am very much aware that Maman KNOWS I am the type who does not let a person go loose easily. He knows, once I know a person's weakness, after what they've done to me, I will try get back at that bastard! I like to take revenge very seriously because I am ALWAYS the victim. HAHAHAHA!!

I COULD LAUGH FOR AGES! I AM CELEBRATING THE MISFORTUNE OF A MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD! I AM ALSO PROVING A POINT TO MAMAN! A PRAYER OF THOSE WHO ARE TRULY HURT OR DEPRESSED WILL BE ANSWERED! THE PERSON WHO MADE ANOTHER SOUL FEEL PAIN WILL GET WHAT HE OR SHE DESERVED!! GOSHHH!!

Good God, but I think with a bastard like him, I don't think anything would go through his thick skull. Goshhh~~~!!

I think I go celebrate somewhere else.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Females Nowadays

I don't understand why they exist. I am thinking about a few of them (no names will be mentioned - eventually people will see their true colours) and I hate them. Don't they realised that THEY are the stealers but NOT the person bounded to the guy?

Why are they so desperate? There are more guys out there and yet they want other people's husbands or fiances or boyfriend. It is sickening to know that girls are so desperate now. I am not overreacting but it is the truth. It is all facts.

All this attitude of being cheap shows one thing. Girls nowadays are cheap and desperate. Some of them have no price.

GOSHHH~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Are Piggier Than Pigs?

Here are the answers:-

1. Girls who try to steal other people's significant others (INCLUDING spouses, boyfriends, fiances)

2. Pretend friends... which means, they are ONLY there when you are rich or with no problems

3. I can't think of any anymore... LOL!

Go figure ;)

No Use For a Blog Title (i)

Can't sleep. So decided to blog. I think I am going to dedicate this entry to someone I am glad is friends with both me and Maman :)




Bang Lan (naliazor@ PGX)...

Bang Lan has always been there for me at time of need especially when I needed an older brother's opinion about things and he is always positive. I am NOT trying to say that the others are not positive but Bang Lan is the ONLY person I dare talk to about everything. His reaction to things are always attempting things the way things should be attempted by. He sure is calm but like everyone else, calmness has its limitation and he is the one person I know I can trust when it comes to secrets. He is one who always push me up higher to encourage me to do good things and yeah, the other thing is... he is good at making me laugh and wonder more about life.

How is Bang Lan important in Maman's life? Simple. Bang Lan NEVER forgets Maman when it comes to fishing. It is just Maman who forgets people. Many fucking thanks to his mother fucking lame ass friends.

Quite honestly, if wasn't for Bang Lan, I won't have all the confidence within me. I don't know how to repay him. I would feel bad if I cannot help him OR Kak Ana.

The funny thing is, when I think of guava and 1kg worth of squid, Bang Lan appears in my mind! It makes me laugh when I recall all the funny things that happened between him and Maman. :D The other thing I like most about this particular brother of mine is;- he is VERY down to Earth. He can afford most of the dream 'toys' but he doesn't show it off. Owh well.

NOW I AM GETTING SLEEPY! Haha! I am getting out of focus to blog now. I noticed one thing thought. I blog better when I am in my I-need-to-talk-and-let-it-out mood! Haha! I need to get some sleep now. I think. Hehe! Will blog more when I feel like it.