Dreams are said to be a mind boggler. For over the past few days of my so-called depression, I have been dreaming of suicide. Sounds bad, huh?
The dream goes... I jump off from the building. There in my dream, there is a feeling of uncertainty on whether I will hit the ground before I wake up. It is sickening. It's scary.
Anyway, I went to a site and it say; "At a first glance this dream seems to be all negative. One would think that it connotes self hatred, deep depression, "giving up," and other such negative thoughts and feelings. At times this may be the interpretation and if this is so for you please confined in a friend or a loved one and seek professional help. However, there is a lighter and much more positive interpretation of this dream. It could suggest that the dreamer is making progress and is becoming a more "integrated" person. All of us have many aspects to our personality and our character. Dreaming that you are committing suicide may be symbolic of you "killing" of one aspect of your self."
Well, there is something that is bothering me lately. I don't even know it is myself but... I know I want that feeling to 'die'.
These dreams are just toying with my mind. It is a fact that dreams aren't really real. Yet, the eerie thing about it. It FEELS real. There are some mornings when I wake up, I feel a certain chill and some mornings, I wake up sweating cold sweat. The thing is, I have my fan on directly onto me and yet, I find myself sweating and feeling the heat from my body.
I wish... that SOMEBODY would be there for me to listen to my pains instead of being a male-skank like his other friends. Now, I seriously don't want to let my emotions out to anyone. I would rather keep it locked up in my heart. I know that it hurts but... I have to learn to control my temper. Damn this feeling that lurks within me.
My heart just got darker. I look cheerful on the outside but people think that I am bubbly. They. Are. Dead. Wrong. They think I am not full of dark secrets. My heart is getting darker by the day.
I don't know what is wrong with me... except, I know all I have in my head besides SUICIDE is revenge. If I want a person dead, I hope my wish doesn't come true. I want that person to die. NOT THAT PERSON, THOSE PEOPLE to die. They left nasty scars on my heart which made me go back to the darkness. I thought because of Maman, I would be full of light and will always be shining. They set my sun. They turned of my lights. They clouded my rays. I swear I will find my sun, my light and the ray back into my heart again. But, I want to see them suffer. I want them to suffer silently. I want them to feel how I had felt.
The dream goes... I jump off from the building. There in my dream, there is a feeling of uncertainty on whether I will hit the ground before I wake up. It is sickening. It's scary.
Anyway, I went to a site and it say; "At a first glance this dream seems to be all negative. One would think that it connotes self hatred, deep depression, "giving up," and other such negative thoughts and feelings. At times this may be the interpretation and if this is so for you please confined in a friend or a loved one and seek professional help. However, there is a lighter and much more positive interpretation of this dream. It could suggest that the dreamer is making progress and is becoming a more "integrated" person. All of us have many aspects to our personality and our character. Dreaming that you are committing suicide may be symbolic of you "killing" of one aspect of your self."
Well, there is something that is bothering me lately. I don't even know it is myself but... I know I want that feeling to 'die'.
These dreams are just toying with my mind. It is a fact that dreams aren't really real. Yet, the eerie thing about it. It FEELS real. There are some mornings when I wake up, I feel a certain chill and some mornings, I wake up sweating cold sweat. The thing is, I have my fan on directly onto me and yet, I find myself sweating and feeling the heat from my body.
I wish... that SOMEBODY would be there for me to listen to my pains instead of being a male-skank like his other friends. Now, I seriously don't want to let my emotions out to anyone. I would rather keep it locked up in my heart. I know that it hurts but... I have to learn to control my temper. Damn this feeling that lurks within me.
My heart just got darker. I look cheerful on the outside but people think that I am bubbly. They. Are. Dead. Wrong. They think I am not full of dark secrets. My heart is getting darker by the day.
I don't know what is wrong with me... except, I know all I have in my head besides SUICIDE is revenge. If I want a person dead, I hope my wish doesn't come true. I want that person to die. NOT THAT PERSON, THOSE PEOPLE to die. They left nasty scars on my heart which made me go back to the darkness. I thought because of Maman, I would be full of light and will always be shining. They set my sun. They turned of my lights. They clouded my rays. I swear I will find my sun, my light and the ray back into my heart again. But, I want to see them suffer. I want them to suffer silently. I want them to feel how I had felt.
"Revenge is sweeter than honey as forgiveness is bitter than medicine..."
I hope they regret that they ever messed with me. I hope they will die forever in guilt. I will make sure the things they've done to us will haunt them big time. ESPECIALLY N***M, who thinks he is a gangster when he is so NOT. That is the biggest hypocrite that I've ever met. I hope ONE day, there will be a chance if I know he was caught by the police for something, I will be there to laugh at him in his cell. He DESTROYED my - rather Maman's - life.
I guess, I better stop. It makes me angry just to remember all this. It makes me angry to remember how that bastard look like. It makes me angry remembering how that skank treated me despite it all. I want them to suffer. Long and slow.
