This English Speaking Sarawakian's Rant

In life, things happen. Most of them have reasons - pleasant or unpleasant. I may only be 26 years old but I think I can dare say that I've seen how the world truly work. I loved it as much as I hated it.

All my years, I've been rejected and condemned thus leading the need to fit in. Some of the reasons might be because I wasn't MALAY enough and because I spoke a lot of English. Truth is, people criticized me for that! And look where I've been with my ability to speak in English. I can't help it if my parents speak English at home. It is good. Actually, that is the best thing about being in my family. We all speak English. Going overseas OR interacting with Caucasians won't be a problem. Before I forget, I have CAUCASIAN relatives - most of them are in Norway and Australia.

When I was a little bit younger, I was offended by it but now that I am older, I understand one thing. People who've criticized me are secretly jealous of my ability and the fact that my family does not consist on Malaysian races and creeds but we have Portuguese blood flowing in our veins. I have Norwegian cousins. Of course I need to know how to speak good English!

I was once criticized for speaking English because my Bahasa Sarawak wasn't that good. So what? Admit it if you are jealous. Years ago, I was told that if I had continued to call my mum - Mummy instead of mak, both of us would go to Hell. So, is it possible that the most Islamic man and his mother in America would also go to Hell because he didn't call his mother, mak?

So what if I don't speak good Sarawakian, at least I can communicate with ANYONE in the world. I won't have to make myself look stupid in front of foreigners.

I have always thought that Sarawakians are the best English speakers in the whole of Malaysia but with conservative people like THEM, we are NOT the best. There are still some narrow-minded people there in Sarawak.

If your argument is because the English colonized us (hence the Rajah Brooke reign), why are you listening to all those stupid songs on the mainstream radio or watching foreign movies in the cineplexes OR adopting the Western culture?

Hello? Heard of GLOBALIZATION? Yeah, without it, we would be forever be BACKWARDS. I wonder if you know the meaning of GLOBALIZATION. It is a big word but not too big nowadays because more and more people are able to speak GOOD English.

Some people don't think when they yap. Seriously. I would think that they've put their brains in their butts and cover their butts with a metal underwear. People like them will NEVER go far. Seriously.

I may speak BETTER English than Bahasa Sarawak but that does not make me a non-Sarawakian! At least, I can prove to people that I am an educated Sarawakian who is exposed with the GLOBALIZATION around me!

"Napa padah kau ya, ndak alah-alah speaking!" I HATE that sentence.

Look, if you are jealous. Say so. Don't criticize. The bigger fool would be you when a foreigner come up to you and ask you for directions and all you can say is YES NO YES NO or make a big fool out of yourself! Before you talk about other people's ability to speak GOOD ENGLISH, think about the things you like... the WESTERN things you like. You just make yourself look like a fool and a hypocrite.

What is worse, I am currently residing in West Malaysia and someone say things like that (whether it is directly or indirectly) to me, it hurts me and it makes me angry.

I maybe OUTSIDE my state but I was born a Sarawakian and no matter where I am or where I reside permanently, I will FOREVER be a Sarawakian and doesn't mean I know or often speak in another language doesn't mean I am NOT a Sarawakian. Only narrow-minded idiots say such things.

Think about it this way, if you think a person who is not fluent in his or her native language means he or she is not of that heritage, then are you Malaysian if you don't speak or understand real Bahasa Melayu? Did you know BURIT means differently? Think about that. Use your brain before you criticize others where language is concerned.

Hard Cold Thoughts 15 Minutes Before 5 AM

IF,

You ever come to me,

BEGGING for forgiveness for all the wrongs you've ever done to me,

Forget it,

Talk to my hand and start crawling on your knees till it bleed!

I tolerated with you,

Now I do not want to turn back!

IF,

You ever come to me,

TELLING me you have been ditched for YOUR OWN mistakes,

Forget it,

Weep and bleed,

I do not care,

Because I do not want to have ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

You can do it once,

Means you can do it twice,

Think about it~

There is so much hate in my heart right now. That mother fucker had proven to me something which made me SATISFIED!

Just because you know you've made a mistake to me, you delete me from your Facebook! Wow. Where was your awesomeness in being the Man?

What Man?

I see a RAT. A COWARD. Wait, even a RAT isn't that frighten of humans. I don't know what you are. If I call you something else, I would SINK to your lowly level.

What irks me most, when in one of his friend's post on his Facebook wall, he said he DOESN'T TAKE DRUGS. HAH! Mother fucking liar! In front of your RELIGIOUS parents, you show your saintly side but behind them? Drinking, eating pork and doing drugs? Wow. What the Hell are you?

If your parents knew, I swear you'll be disowned. You deserve it actually. Really. You do.

I hate you more than I did the last time and it is not normal for me to hate someone to that extend. I think Justin Bieber is better than you.

Jee. SOME people.

If, ONE DAY, he calls me saying the police got him and he has the noose waiting for him. I will CLAP MY HANDS and say, "Congratulations!"

I am being evil. I tried to save him once. I won't attempt it again.

That's my promise.

And yes, this is my Darkside and I do not mean in the world of photography.

This is me. Like it or not. This IS me.

Photography and The Past

Was AWESOME!

I finally know how to PROPERLY use aperture, shutter speed and ISO. I used to have this friend who taught me briefly and when I asked him about ISO, he just said it wasn't important.

Bastard.

No. Hypocrite.

But that guy had always been that way. I once told him I wanted a D90 and he told me, "D90 isn't that good.." BUT, on his wishlist? A D90.

Jee. I don't like people like that.

Anyway, yesterday's class was awesome. We had a lot of fun in the class. The Darksiders were sitting at the back. Who are the Darksiders in Photography class? Daniel, Immy, Levi, Jason Chen and me. There were two other Darksiders weren't that familiar with us, so I had to count them out.

Hm. Can't wait for next week. Outing with the class! YEY!

Boh Bujat Bah

Jangan segal kau ada DSLR kau nak bujat. Aku dah lamak maen DSLR. Dah tauk gnei nak HDR. Mun ku nangga kau padah aku sik reti, kau ya nang mintak penampar dari aku.

Patut miak lam klas sik rajin ngan kau aiegh.

Aku pun dah start INGGGGGGAAAAAAA ngan kau.

By the way. 21 is a GREAT stress reliever.

Beast: Men or the Tigers?

LOOK AT THEM, so pretty.

Tigers are gorgeous animals. They symbolises strength and beauty.

Currently, I am doing an intense research on Malayan Tigers. And it breaks my heart knowing the statistics of their populations. In the 1970s, there were about 3000 tigers in the Malayan jungle but now only about 500 remain, struggling to survive. You may think that, "Ah, 500... there are still plenty of them in the wild." I disagree. That 500 are struggling to survive as we, man, encroach into their territory. Tigers, like their smaller relatives or like any other animals are very territorial. They were once a danger, now they are endangered.

From my research, tigers do not prey on human but lately, with less territory for them to roam, they are getting more and more aggressive.

SOMEONE told me that it was good that tigers are getting endangered and God knows how angry I was and how it was making me burn with anger. The argument was that tigers were a threat to humans. Come on, they are animals, it is their natural instinct to attack. They need to survive. And being as selfish as human can possibly get, we blame the animal for attacking when we are the ones entering their territory and destroying their habitat. Who is to blame? Not the tigers. But we, humans.

We are destroying their homes. How would YOU feel if someone destroy YOUR home? That is exactly how a tiger feel.

And MEN poaches tigers to eat their genitals for aphrodisiac purposes and other parts for "MEDICAL" purposes.

There are getting less and less tigers. Thanks to poaching and deforestation.

So? Who are the real beast here?

Think about it.

Misconception

I cannot stand it when SARAWAKIANS themselves claim that Kuching means cat... Hello, you are Sarawakians, we have our own name for cat in our own dialect.

Mun kitak orang asa aku tok salah, nang paloi lah kitak orang tok. Sik patut kitak orang ngakuk dirik kitak orang ya miak Sarawak! PUSAK ya baruk betol!

The actual history isn't about the buah mata kucing on Bukit Mata Kucing or the fact that the Rajah seeing many cats near the river but it MIGHT actually originates from the Indian word, 'cochin' which means 'port' since the Indians were the few of the early settlers to Sarawak.

Really, I cannot stand it when SARAWAKIANS themselves claiming that Kuching got its name from a cat when to us Sarawakians cat is actually PUSAK.

More rants later.

Starting Of A Bad Week

Fucking hell. I NEARLY lost my deadline. I was so angry this morning, I felt sick! We had a superimpose assignment due today and no one told me that we had to do TWO pictures. Of course I was angry since I was so contented at the fact that I had finished my assignment yesterday!

Now, what is making me cranky is the fact that I am hungry and I have absolutely no idea what to eat! *sighs* Fucked up life this is. Owh well.

I get all this shit once now, I might get double benefits in the future. Anything could happen. All I know, I am glad to be at home instead of in the college. At least in this house, I can at least have some fun.

CELCOM SUCKS!

A LOT OF HAPPY THINGS HAPPENING. EPIC QUOTES.

BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

I NEED TO FUCKING RANT ABOUT CELCOM!

THEY CLAIM THEY ARE THE FASTEST BROADBAND NETWORK.

THEY LIED!

IT IS TAKING ME MORE THAN 15 MINUTES TO ATTACH ONE NINTH OF A FILE.

AND IT IS MY PRESENTATION FOR TOMORROW.

THE ONLY TIME I HAD TO DO MY PRESENTATION SLIDES WERE AFTER 6 PM AND IT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ME 10 - 15 MINUTES TO DO IT.

BUT BECAUSE OF THIS BROADNARROWBAND LIAR, I SPENT NINE FUCKING HOURS AT IT!

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO EMAIL IT OUT SINCE 6 SOMETHING!

SHIT. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW. IT IS WORST BECAUSE IT IS THAT TIME OF THE FUCKING MONTH!

ARGH!? IT'S BEEN 15 MINUTES AND I'VE MANAGED TO ATTACH 1/9 OF THE FUCKING FILE???

OH. MY. GOD! WHY IS CELCOM SUCH BUTTFACE LIAR?

LATELY, I HADN'T BEEN RESTING ENOUGH AND HADN'T BEEN GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP. I PLANNED TO SLEEP AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT AND WAKE UP AT 10 TOMORROW BUT AT THE FUCKING RATE I AM FUCKING GOING, IT WON'T HAPPEN. I WILL END UP FEELING RESTLESS AND TIRED!

I FUCKING HATE CELCOM!

I LOST MY PATIENCE. I LOST MY NICENESS AND TOLERANCE. CELCOM SHOULD RECONSIDER. THEY SHOULD JUST PROMOTE THEMSELVES AS THE SLOWEST BROADBAND SERVICE IN MALAYSIA!

NINE FUCKING HOURS SINCE I'VE TRIED ATTACHING ONE MISERABLE FILE!

FUCK! CELCOM SHOULD JUST STOP THEIR BROADBAND SERVICES.

THE REASON WHY I AM TYPING IN CAPS IS BECAUSE I AM FEELING SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW! AND I AM FEELING CRANKY AND TIRED BUT I HAVE TO SEND THIS FUCKING FILE BEFORE 6.30 AM SO MY TEAMMATE COULD JUST EDIT IT FOR ME AND THEN PROCESS THE SLIDES.

I HATE CELCOM. OFFICIALLY.

The other day, I thought, as long as I have the Internet, I will be fine but then tonight when I needed the fast connection the most, it bail on me. FUCK!

Celcom is NOT STUDENT FRIENDLY. They RUIN students. Because of their SUCKY CONNECTION, students cannot do research OR handing their presentation/assignments ON TIME.

From My Eyes

Yesterday, I saw something which made me feel more hatred towards our Malay girls. I am a Malay, too, but I tend to have this prejudice against some of them.

Why?

Those people I meant, are the most biggest hypocrites ever on the face of the Earth.

How?

Yesterday, I saw this girl, wearing a hijjab but was wearing extremely tight jeans and tight shirt and rubbing herself against her boyfriends. Not only that, from how I look at her, if I were to tell her, "Jom, pergi makan nasi ayam di kedai Cina tue..." (Come, let's have chicken rice at that Chinese shop), she'd be all grossed out or will say things like, "Tak halal lah." (But it's not halal).

Hello, if you are so concerned about eating at a Chinese shop where there is possible pork or lard, why are you not concerned about touching a guy without any marital tie? If you are so concerned about places to eat or the meat you eat, why are you not concerned about how you dressed?

Or, if you are so concerned about being in a church or a house with a cross... are you weak in holding on to your faith?

I cannot stand people that way. There is a person I know, he is WORSE than the girls I don't like or any narrow-minded Malay that I don't like. I feel offended with the criticism he made towards the Christians or the Chinese because before my Mum married my Dad, she was an Anglican Christian and a Chinese. So is she as bad as he think most Christians and Chinese are?

Personally, I would prefer making friends with Christians and the Chinese. They are very open minded people and they respect us (if we respect them, too).

The people whom I describe, are just aloof and has no sense of respect towards other people... Did they know that it was also the Chinese who brought in Islam to Tanah Melayu? The Malays were still chasing pigs in the cave.

I was once asked to my face, why don't I wear a hijjab on my head. My answer was simply this;- I know I am not a very good person. I am still committing sins as I move along. I don't want to end up a hypocrite at the end of the day.

Just like the other day, the Valentine's Day hotel raids. They showed FOUR GIRLS wearing a hijjab, HIDING their faces, sitting in the cell. So, is that a good making as a Muslim?

Enough about people, now about what other people have been saying...

A few nights ago, I went out with my housemate to Midvalley and we used a cab to go. From Section 17 to Midvalley would be RM14.40 by meter but by taxi drivers who want to take advantage, they'd charge RM25 to RM30.

When I was telling someone about it, they were ranting about how this taxi driver tried to get RM40 from him just because he was at KLCC and wants to go to Jaya One. He used a metered cab and it only cost RM20. What was the taximan's reason, road is jam.

Hello, that is the use of a meter! Now there is a sign on the taxi saying that HAGGLING is prohibited. Yet, some of these taxi drivers take advantage on their potential customers.

Stupid idiots.

Anyway. I took a picture from my window today.

I like the rays coming down from the clouds. I rearranged my room again today because I needed wind to come in. As I was clearing up the mess in my room, I looked outside the window and then knew I HAD to take a picture of the sunset.

Earlier in the day, Imran and I didn't turn up for the talk on broadcasting because we were having TOO MUCH fun in the library discussing our Creative Thinking presentation on how to find solutions to certain road offenses.

We were laughing and coming up with CRAZY ideas. We were BRAINSTORMING and there was ONE sentence popping in and out of my mind, "Your ideas can be as crazy as possible." (Mr. Lawrence).

We went crazy alright, from spikes to Pokemons. It was that crazy!

What matters is, we had fun in the library. Psst, our library is awesome because we are allowed to make noise there ;)

More later. I might need to rant soon since I am PMS-ing :(

Angst

I am in class. Break time now.. Not my usual self at the moment. I was angry since this morning due to SOME PROBLEM CAUSED BY SOMEONE.

IRONICALLY, I am in Creative Thinking classes where we learn about PROBLEM SOLVING. At this moment, I CANNOT even think of solving my problems because the person who I have to brainstorm with just won't accept the fact that life isn't ALWAYS that easy and when I look at ALL OUR PROBLEMS, it is ALWAYS ONE-SIDED. I am being depended on and it is ANNOYING... while the other person is doing practically NOTHING, I get blamed when things don't happen the way that person want me to.

It is pretty much obvious that I am in a bad mood now but then, this is usual for me, I smile it off, pretending NOTHING is wrong with me when deep within me, it is raining.

Hm.

Will blog later when I am feeling happier.

Nyawaku Angol Gila

I need to rant. I do better in my mother tongue. Sorry.

Mood aku nak ngereco. Aku gik sik puas ati ngan orang egh. Kepak dah nyawa aku nak ngerja menatang di kerja aku, sampei pedas asa mataku! Bukan sekadar pedeh jak. Dah lah aku sik puas ati ngan orang YA yang mala jak asa dirik nya bagus glak. Sikpa, aku tok penageh dadah tek nak?! Mok Mak Bapak aku tauk aku pandei nuntum! Sik kdak nya. Kecut jobo nak mokok depan mak, kakak ngan abang nya! Nak anok aku polah jaek. Bagei lah kau sikda jaek. Padah jak ngan semua orang, seluroh dunia skali k? Aku tok maen dadah. AKU CABAR KAU, CHECK DARAH AKU, CHECK KEMEH AKU. ADA SIK SISA DADAH PUKIMAK YA LAM BADAN AKU?

Dolok bukan maen gik nak ngakuk aku best friend kau tapi dah kau palat aku kdak ya glak egh, tiada maaf bagi mu! Aku ingga ngan manusia kdak kau egh. Nangga kesalahan orang laen pandei, nangga kesalahan dirik mpun, membuta babi jak. Nak anok orang munafik, dirik mpun sik nangga dirik mpun lam cermin!

Aku pandei kesian ngan kau dowh. Kau nak mengagong agongkan orang yang sebenarnya sik suka ngan kau. Kau ingat cdak suka ngan kau. Sorry to say, sikda cdak suka ngan kau. Mun sik segal aku, sikda cdak tauk kewujudan kau ya. Bukannya aku nak kakar hal bagus aku tapi realiti nya nak, kau sik patut nangga kesalahan aku sorang. Kau nangga lah kesalahan kau mpun skali.

Nuril was right. Some of my friends are anal! My Kuching friends are the most ANAL group of people! I have some pretty awesome friends but those annoyingly critical about other people other than themselves are getting on my nerves. Owh, those who are full of themselves, I mean. Looking at the flaws of others but their own!

I think I should hit the sacks. Thinking of those people pisses me off!

Taking Easy The Hard Way

FUCKING HELL!

YES, I shall start my blog with that. Why did I say it?

I am kinda annoyed. I decided to do Queen Latifah, not only because I love that woman but I thought she was easy to vector.

I

was

damn

wrong!!!

I was taking the easy path the hard way!

Only good thing is, she is challenging. I like her. I mean, vectorising her. She is challenging. Syafiq taught us the short cut way but I thought, "What if Mr. Low make us do vector as an exam? Better do it the hard way."

I decided to struggle with all these although I could easily cheated BECAUSE practise makes perfect AND I want to PROVE to some hypocrite that he is not as good as he thought he is. I want to prove to him that I work better with computer graphics when he's been going around telling people I suck at Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator.

At least, I don't go under the wing of Kuku Besi to show off. What is the point of manipulating pictures only without the ability to create pictures and be humble about it? ANYONE could manipulate pictures. I want to CREATE pictures. Manipulation is only an extra. I prefer pictures to be SLIGHTLY manipulated only to enhance the colour and sharpen the image.

What is more important, I want to create.

Anyway, this is past lesson. SOME people always claim that his/her work is ORIGINAL but I learnt (many thanks to Mr. Lawrence, my Creative Thinking lecturer) that there is NO SUCH THING AS ORIGINAL WORK. Somehow, any idea could be improvised from the so-called original idea.

Yes. I am annoyed. The more I see that person showing off via Facebook, it pisses me off.

Anyway, it is DAY 2 since I tackled Queen Latifah and my eyes sting. Bad. I think I should stop. Tomorrow, I got to be in the college before 11. Ugh. The thought of walking for 20 minutes and sweating like a fucking pig when I get there is... UGHH!!

Life's unfair but ... owh well, like how King Lear put it, "I shall be the pattern of all patience."

Who knows, at the end of the day, I benefit. I might lose weight :D

Ramblings

I posted a news about two druggies being detained by the police on my Facebook. And I LOVED the news and Juliana asked what is so special about the news.

My answer is simple. I hate drug addicts who won't quit. Regardless what their race or creed is. I just hate them. If they are caught for the first time, I'll send them to a rehab and then after a year or two, release them. Then, if they are caught for the second time, given to me, I'd break their arms and leave them in a cell. I am being merciless.

I don't care. Why? Because they are a hindrance to the community. They are a pest. They are a bother! They are BAD INFLUENCE.

I know someone who bothers the living daylights out of Akim's life - just because Akim know where to get stupid stuff like those and was an addict (now if he does drugs, I won't hesitate to leave him!). Personally, for me, it looks like he is trying to instigate Akim into doing it. Again. OH MY GOD. His girlfriend, who is a religious man's daughter now takes drugs, too. WHAT THE FUCK?

My good friend is also a druggie but he doesn't bother Akim the way this particular idiot does but my friend, I advice him to stop and he is slowly stopping. Thank God and he doesn't instigate or push Akim to do drugs the way the other idiot does.

Jeeeeez. I don't know what else to say except, I HATE THEM WHO WON'T STOP CAUSING PEOPLE'S LIFE HELL!

Ompuan Gedik

This post will be mixed with English and Bahasa Sarawak.

OH MY GOD! Dah gedik, gedik gila babi juak ompuan ya. Nak padah sondal, sik dapat segal nya lom gk gi tempat jijik kdak tempat clubbing di Kuching ya tapi in the making lah ompuan ya. Ingin gi tempat clubbing indah. Apa bagus glak gi tempat kotor gya? Nang nak masok mulut rimo. Sik sayang ngan nama bapak nya kah? Ya rabi egh. Aku makin ari, makin ku ingga ngan mbiak kecik ya egh. Dolok, aku sikda rasa bencik ngan nya sampei nya nyakit ati kawan rapat aku. Kira brother aku juak. Nya mileh orang laki yang kaya and ada status yang almost sama ngan nya padahal brother aku tok nang sanggup polah apa-apa demi nya... As a group, nang kamek orang sanggup nyaga nya tapi ada nya appreciate kerjasama kamek orang? SIK. ADA. Shiohbih egh. Sakit ati aku aiegh. Bebenar aku asa bencik, meluwat, ingga ngan ompuan ya!

Ngarap muka jak kacak, tapi... prangei - kalah sondal di Jalan Petanak! Aku rasa, sondal rah Petanak ya sik kdak nya tapi oleh kerana cdak nak carik duit, terpaksa polah keja gya. Ompuan tok, parents kaya, ada status gk.

What makes me so pissed off sampei kdak tok? Tok jawapan aku:- ada gk kawan baet aku nak di jadikan mangsa menyondal nya. Ku tauk, kawan ku sorang tok hensem... Dah baet, sik pandei nak jaek orang and when nya found out aku kenal orang laki tok tek, nya polah as if nya sorang jak leh kenal ngan orang laki ya. Aok, aku tok kenja kdak kau lah? -_-" Aku dah lamak berkawan ngan nya. Dah masok 3 taun aku berkawan ngan nya. Nak eksen. Shiohbih egh. Nang shock aku. Ari tok tek, bukak ku Facebook, nya kakar ngan kawan aku ya as if nya bergerek ngan orang laki ya.

Aku bukan nya jeles tapi aku sakit ati. Nya nektok dah single. JANGAN KAWAN AKU LAGIK jadi mangsa ompuan ya! Dolok putus ngan brother aku segal orang laki kaya ya. Then, time bergerek ngan orang laki ya, ada jak dilemma nya ngan orang laki ya. Tok dah putus. Jangan lah kawan aku sorang tok jadi mangsa nya.

The other day, orang laki ya ada padah ngan aku duak Akim and he was shocked why suddenly she added him on Facebook and talk to him as if nya duak kawan lamak, padahal tek, kawan ku tok tek sik tauk sapa ompuan ya exactly. Nei ndak aku shock. Warning jak ngan mbiak ya to be careful and his answer was EPIC :) "Sikpa, mbiak kecik ya." Nei ndak perey Akim di gasak nya. I think that day, Akim, Serena and I went to Spring. Abis runtoh bangunan Spring di gasak Akim. I was so tempted to jump into the fitting room with Serena and we were in Ms. Read.

Jee.. Dasar ompuan bok temu dunia. Aku dolok, idup pun kenak control orang tua aku... sik juak aku jadi gedik sampei gya skali. Also, patut pun Nuril ingga ngan nya... Psst, dah ompuan ya asa Paris Hilton ya best. HELLO. PARIS HILTON YA ABISAN TROK MANUSIA NAK DI JADIKAN ROLE MODEL! Nya pernah padah ngan aku nya ingin jadi Paris Hilton. What was on my mind? "Bimbo-much". Hahaha!

Oh. God. I can't wait to tell Hamster Akim about this. He will either laugh or contact my friend concerned. Akim is like that. He tends to get very concerned over those close to him.

To those who didn't understand what I was talking about, if you know me personally, you know how or where to contact me. Otherwise? All the best figuring out ;)

WAIT! WOW! My first full stretch Bahasa Sarawak post! I rant better and 'nicer' in Bahasa Sarawak. If I were verbal, people tend to think, I might be talking in jibberish. HAHA! Because I speak very fast when I am conversing in Bahasa Sarawak... correction, expressing my annoyance in Bahasa Sarawak :)

Eye Pain

I h8 iT weN pPL tYpe LyK d!S.. e!th3r theY r @nnoY!ngLy sTupiD oR r3taRdeD.

KIDS!

Hypocrites!

You know how I think that there is a little hypocrisy within everyone of us? I am being more or less one now.

It pisses me off the most when SOME PEOPLE uses ISLAMIC TERMS but they themselves don't see (what they say about other people) within themselves and more over they are those who don't pray 5 times a day or do things they are not supposed to do without ANYONE knowing.

Also, I hate it most when the people (Muslims) who GAMBLES, DRINK ALCOHOL, COMMIT ADULTERY but is so chicken shit to go to a Chinese shop to eat (even if there is NO PORK in that particular shop) for fear of lard! Idiots! Or even a shop where there are other stalls within the shop where certain stalls sell pork when others doesn't and for me, there is NO HARM going to a CHINESE STALL selling food WITHOUT PORK but for SOME PEOPLE, NO.....

I admit, I am not proud to admit that my parents KNOW I can drink alcohol. At least, I am NOT hiding from my parents! At least I don't do drugs or smoke. The ONE person I truly admire would be Akim... his mother KNEW he used to take drugs. That is better than HIDING from your parents of the bad things you do.

Jee.

If you kinda feel like I am blogging about you... Well, hope you realise because I am sick of YOU condemning me for my flaws WITHOUT YOU REALISING YOUR OWN.

I am always so angry when I am back in Kuching because I find some people so irritating! Jeez!

Back Again.

Mind the silence. I've been busy lately. Yes, keeping an eye on Athena!

Anyway, there is something I want to rant about. I seriously cannot stand a guy who PRETENDS to love their girlfriends. Just because he knows the advantage of being with her.

Anyway, it is raining again and my brain is lagging. I will blog later. Feeling so full of iffiness READING that guy's words to someone. Jee.. Let's see how long does he mean his feelings for her.

Sleeplessness

Help. I cannot sleep. Bloody hell, this is going to put me in a damn bad mood.

It is bad enough I am so broke, I can't even survive this week!

At this rate, I hate the situation. I want to go home.

... My God, it's been a while since I felt this way. I hate staying up late. I get cranky. I hope tomorrow will be good for me. I hope I wake up early.

Somehow, I like being in this state, I tend to get... inspired. Hmm, but I am very tired. I am feeling so... well, upset about something even I can't tell what is it that make me feel so upset. Honestly, if I was in Kuching, only 4 people will notice the mood.. Here? I am not sure. No doubt, I found good friends in most of my classmates especially, Jane, Jeen, Joey and even Syafiq, for that matter.

But... there is a huge difference, this isn't my home. This is only my temporary home. It all comes down to one thing; I am homesick.

I miss Athena. I admit it. I miss Athena. I miss Nuril and Embok Fariah... I miss Mummy and Abah, too. Akim talks to me all the time, so I don't feel it all that much but I miss hugging him.

The worse is, I miss everything about the house in Middle Road. I miss the familiar faces in town. The familiar cars. Everywhere I went, I knew someone. At least one person. Don't mention Hopoh or Tun Jugah. I have friends there. Dedek had been teasing me about Sarawakian food. Owh, I miss the empty talks at Dedek's shop in Tun Jugah! Seriously.

Owh, I miss home.

Kuching, the city I was born in. I may have been to other cities and liked it but there is NO PLACE LIKE KUCHING! To me, the greatest place to be at is Kuching. Why? I was born and raised in Kuching. Kuching, though in the past I said I hated you but I now realised how much I miss you and how much I love you. I want to go home.

The warmth is all back in Kuching. Most of all, a little angel (faced devil) is growing up so big. I miss her. I miss everything about home.

CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME. I will take LOTS of pictures of home to bring over here to KL. Hope... that will help with my homesickness :(

*sighs*

Once A Group of Gits, Always A Group of Gits

...................

I find that Scooter Picnic activity a waste of time, money, mileage and energy. Jay was right. Instead of wasting RM150 for such GOOD-FOR-NOTHING activities (which is the same thing EVERY SINGLE YEAR FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS), might as well go deep sea fishing! You spend the same amount of money OR EVEN LESS BUT you come back with plenty of fish to eat and share.

Wait, when I say GOOD-FOR-NOTHING activities, I mean literally NOTHING. I went to visit two years in a row. All they ever do is SLEEP in their rooms! Jeez! The activities they have would be beach football and tug of war. That is the only activities I know they often do. I remember playing Big 2 with them. The sickening part is, that is the time for them to start WHORING around. Like my fucking ex.

The last year I bothered going up to Sematan with my lowered car, in the heavy rain and driving for more than an hour ended up with pure anger, hatred and disappointment. After talking to Mel about it all, I realised why he didn't bother to wake up and get out of the house with me. His knocked-up girlfriend was there with him (only in different rooms).

Ever since, I left Sematan with memory of pain and hate. Even for the group. They knew. And those supposedly trusted ones, didn't tell me the truth. As a whole, I hated them. I know for a fact a handful did sort of warned me not to go but I didn't listen to them. I went.

Literally, I when home wet, angry and hateful. Ever since, I vowed, even if my boyfriend joined that stupid group and went with them for their stupid picnic, I won't talk to him for that 3 days! Thank God, Akim isn't stupid like them. It kinda hit me now that I know why Akim has more Chinese friends than Malay friends. His Chinese friends are hardworking. Whereas, our Malay friends are always thinking about enjoying and often jump from job to job! When they aren't making any profit because they use their money to get fucking drugs and modifications for their stupid scooters, they start bitching and whining saying their bosses aren't paying them enough!

It is annoying really. And yet these are the bunch of whiners who make fun of the hardworking Chinese. Jeez. Sometimes, that is part of the reason why I hate SOME of my Malay friends. They will come to you when you have money but when you don't have money, they abandon you. Truly, I understand why Akim ALWAYS prefer having Chinese friends, HENCE his Mandarin is BETTER than his Malay! HAHA! Plus, I had always been close to my MUM'S side of the family because they are often more open-minded!

I am not being racist, but this is just me sighing about my own race.. They had never really respected me. Why? Just because I don't enjoy ENJOYING myself the way they enjoy WASTING THEIR LIVES AND TIME? And money for drugs, too.

I should stop before I start a damn controversy.

After Midnight Ramblings

We've got a Creative Thinking 'assignment'.

That is to make a name tag. Here is mine.

Sorry, will be unveiled on Thursday. Haha. Basic idea on what I did with mine. I am still debating with myself, to colour manually or via Photoshop...

OR, will I continue using this design I made (thanks to a certain artist, whom I love so much!) or do it by hand?

I need to dig up some stuff from my hard disk to get my original stuff from before. My Photoshop skills got kinda rusty, which suck. Haha! And I am still looking for those pictures where Mat Sap and I shot at the Whiteroom.

I miss the Whiteroom! When I get back to Kuching, I think, I will pay Mat Sap a visit! And I hope Bob won't be going to that stupid (GROUP NAME)'s Picnic.

I think it is USELESS they organise such events on Chinese New Year. They don't have Chinese friends to visit? -_-" Jee, UNLIKE THEM, we have Chinese friends who are better friends than THEM to visit. Akim hates them to the max and I don't like their selfishness and the DIRTY POLITICS they play as a TEAM. Hello! You are supposed to be a team. You are supposed to WORK together NOT backstab each other!

Moving on with something more important or relevant to blog about besides THAT SELFISH group.

More importantly, I hope Juliana and I will go karaoke at Embassy during her off days. I want to rerecord our BOYZONE sessions :) and a few other songs dedicated to Serena.

AND, my date with my lesbian lover, Della. Haha. (NOTE: I am not really a lesbian... we are just wacky that way!) OIY! We are going to Poh Kwong Park to have my FISHBALL TANGHOON SOUP WITH RIBENA!

AND, SERENA, when you go to KL, PLEASE let me know! Haha. Damn, I miss you!

Wow, it is late. I think I should stop here now. I am getting very sleepy. But the sickening part is, when I hit the bed, I end up not being able to sleep! -_-"