Friends... hard to find REAL friends. But when you THINK you found them, at the end of the day, they ditch you for something else.
Not going to blog about it. Some conceited party might think this blog entry is about them since the chili was too hot for them to handle lately.
I was thinking on the conversation I had with Akim today. He is the real deal. Why? How? Well, simple. He has a mindset. He can decide things for himself. When he wants something good to be done, it will be done. Without a word. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE...
Anyway, I was taken aback by someone today. It seems like that particular someone isn't like how she used to be... people. They change. Owh well. What to do? Because of something, people tend to forget who their friends are. They tend to forget that their new friends might be using them. They tend to forget that that their new friends don't know them or appreciate them the way we do.
Hope that someone learns a lesson...
The other thing is, I realised that M had never really loved me. I had done a lot of thinking today. I may had laughed when I was hanging out with Akim but, when I manage to have some quiet time on my own, I realised that, M was never in love with me. He was in love with what I had. He was never honest with me.
Fuck.
If he had truly loved me... he would have listened to me or changed to be a better person for me. Instead, being the fucktard that he is, he didn't and couldn't be bothered. I don't care if ANYONE (may God have MERCY upon their envious deceitful souls) were to tell M that I have been badmouthing about him on my blog or wherever... It is all TRUTH. M was the worsT thing that had happened to me. He was the biggest lie of my life. He was more than a lie... he was bullshit as far as I am concerned. I may sound cruel but, as cruel as I may sound, M deserves to die. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He used me.
Not just me but other people. I don't get it. How can a guy be so desperate? So deprived? Till he went to the extend of making a girl (just as desperate or deprived as him) pregnant. I am NOT upset but I am sorry for her and their child.
No matter what, that child will be an illegitimate child. Even if they did get married. That child will ALWAYS be illegitimate. Have they no pride or self-respect? Gosh. Have they no shame for that matter? Or guilt for the child? Or pity for the child? Fucking hell. I wish I could kill that idiot for his sins towards his unborn child. It feels like ABUSE... Seriously.
His family thinks, because of Akim, I changed to be what I am today. They are fucking wrong. Before they could blame Akim, I wish I could tell them to look at M... I changed because of HIM. He abused me enough to make me change to be who I am today. Are they trying to convey that M was a good match for me? Are they trying to say that M was the best thing for me? They are FUCKING wrong. M was the WORST thing that happened to me.
M was the reason why I have a mother fucking scar on my mother fucking arm. M was the reason why I don't really spend time with my family and the reason why I was often so angry with everyone. M was also the main reason why I hated myself and never forgave myself for anything.
When Akim came into my life. It changed. He gave me a whole new perspective of life. Apparently, there is SOMEONE who is willing to change for me. There is someone who is willing to wait for me, with hope that I will come to him (which I did). So, who is M's family and friends to actually say that Akim was the one who made changed me to be what I am now? At least, Akim taught me to apologise, forgive and forget. Not keep quiet and pretend like NOTHING happened. Akim taught me a lot of things for my own goods. Akim. Makes me feel like a human being. He gives me the freedom I deserve... as long as I was honest with him, he is okay. M never gave me the freedom I needed or respected my friends for that matter.
I compare Akim and M. Two different treatments. I laugh more when I am with Akim. It's been almost 3 weeks since we've been dating. All I ever did was laugh.
Who the hell are anyone to tell me or to remind me of Akim's past? At least I see him changing before my eyes. He proves to me that he loves me. He shows his affection. Most of all, we both have fun and we both give and take. I appreciate Akim for all that.
I want to thank Jay and Ijan for everything. They are the ones who brought Akim and I together. They are the ones responsible for my smiles and laughter by bringing Akim, who've waited for me for 3 years, and I together.
I also must thank Akim for making my life whole again. For bringing back my smile again and most of all for bringing me along to the right path. I will not forget the day he made me apologise to my elder sister for a mistake I've done. The things he told me about respecting those older than me and apologising to them. I appreciate it.
With this, I hope to bury the past. Slowly. I will kill the past. My heart is healing. M's family may think I still love M, I DO NOT LOVE M FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME. In fact, I fucking HATE him now. I FUCKING HATE M FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME RECENTLY. I forgave him for the sins he did but I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me recently.
One strand of hair off my head, Akim will be murderous. Trust me.
Not going to blog about it. Some conceited party might think this blog entry is about them since the chili was too hot for them to handle lately.
I was thinking on the conversation I had with Akim today. He is the real deal. Why? How? Well, simple. He has a mindset. He can decide things for himself. When he wants something good to be done, it will be done. Without a word. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE...
Anyway, I was taken aback by someone today. It seems like that particular someone isn't like how she used to be... people. They change. Owh well. What to do? Because of something, people tend to forget who their friends are. They tend to forget that their new friends might be using them. They tend to forget that that their new friends don't know them or appreciate them the way we do.
Hope that someone learns a lesson...
The other thing is, I realised that M had never really loved me. I had done a lot of thinking today. I may had laughed when I was hanging out with Akim but, when I manage to have some quiet time on my own, I realised that, M was never in love with me. He was in love with what I had. He was never honest with me.
Fuck.
If he had truly loved me... he would have listened to me or changed to be a better person for me. Instead, being the fucktard that he is, he didn't and couldn't be bothered. I don't care if ANYONE (may God have MERCY upon their envious deceitful souls) were to tell M that I have been badmouthing about him on my blog or wherever... It is all TRUTH. M was the worsT thing that had happened to me. He was the biggest lie of my life. He was more than a lie... he was bullshit as far as I am concerned. I may sound cruel but, as cruel as I may sound, M deserves to die. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He used me.
Not just me but other people. I don't get it. How can a guy be so desperate? So deprived? Till he went to the extend of making a girl (just as desperate or deprived as him) pregnant. I am NOT upset but I am sorry for her and their child.
No matter what, that child will be an illegitimate child. Even if they did get married. That child will ALWAYS be illegitimate. Have they no pride or self-respect? Gosh. Have they no shame for that matter? Or guilt for the child? Or pity for the child? Fucking hell. I wish I could kill that idiot for his sins towards his unborn child. It feels like ABUSE... Seriously.
His family thinks, because of Akim, I changed to be what I am today. They are fucking wrong. Before they could blame Akim, I wish I could tell them to look at M... I changed because of HIM. He abused me enough to make me change to be who I am today. Are they trying to convey that M was a good match for me? Are they trying to say that M was the best thing for me? They are FUCKING wrong. M was the WORST thing that happened to me.
M was the reason why I have a mother fucking scar on my mother fucking arm. M was the reason why I don't really spend time with my family and the reason why I was often so angry with everyone. M was also the main reason why I hated myself and never forgave myself for anything.
When Akim came into my life. It changed. He gave me a whole new perspective of life. Apparently, there is SOMEONE who is willing to change for me. There is someone who is willing to wait for me, with hope that I will come to him (which I did). So, who is M's family and friends to actually say that Akim was the one who made changed me to be what I am now? At least, Akim taught me to apologise, forgive and forget. Not keep quiet and pretend like NOTHING happened. Akim taught me a lot of things for my own goods. Akim. Makes me feel like a human being. He gives me the freedom I deserve... as long as I was honest with him, he is okay. M never gave me the freedom I needed or respected my friends for that matter.
I compare Akim and M. Two different treatments. I laugh more when I am with Akim. It's been almost 3 weeks since we've been dating. All I ever did was laugh.
Who the hell are anyone to tell me or to remind me of Akim's past? At least I see him changing before my eyes. He proves to me that he loves me. He shows his affection. Most of all, we both have fun and we both give and take. I appreciate Akim for all that.
I want to thank Jay and Ijan for everything. They are the ones who brought Akim and I together. They are the ones responsible for my smiles and laughter by bringing Akim, who've waited for me for 3 years, and I together.
I also must thank Akim for making my life whole again. For bringing back my smile again and most of all for bringing me along to the right path. I will not forget the day he made me apologise to my elder sister for a mistake I've done. The things he told me about respecting those older than me and apologising to them. I appreciate it.
With this, I hope to bury the past. Slowly. I will kill the past. My heart is healing. M's family may think I still love M, I DO NOT LOVE M FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME. In fact, I fucking HATE him now. I FUCKING HATE M FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME RECENTLY. I forgave him for the sins he did but I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me recently.
One strand of hair off my head, Akim will be murderous. Trust me.
