Wonderings

I did a questionaire in Friendster (like I always do...) And one of the questions asked was...

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
+ Often, I would say nothing. Now... I say, I would have given Death Prophet my phone number. How would life be if I had met Aqeem earlier? How would life be if Aqeem and I had been in contact since 2005? Damnn. Instead, I rejected him. I was too in love with an ungrateful person. Seriously. It does make me wonder. How would it be if Aqeem and I had been friends... would September 4th happen? Would I suffer when I was abused by someone? Yet, honestly, I am glad everything happened. God is great. The world is small... and honestly, PGX made it smaller... if wasn't for PGX and me forcing Death Prophet to join PGX, I wouldn't have met Aqeem. No, wait. Aqeem wouldn't have waited for me. Yet, if I had given him my number, I would have rescued him. I would have been his Saviour like how he have been mine this year. Aqeem is the BEST thing that had happened to me. He really have been the best thing to happen to me since I lost Mak Munah. He is my Angel In Disguise. Hehe! Thanks, By.

When I think about it, I should have given him my number but I didn't want to risk getting scolded by M. I didn't want him to think I was a girl who was boy crazy. I wanted to take care of his heart... Has M ever took care of mine? Never. He was selfish. I had to take care of his feelings. He locked me up in a cage when he was free like a bird. He never told me anything about his whereabouts and so forth. He often got angry with me for something I didn't do or know about. It wasn't fair. There was no compromise.

Makes me wonder how is M going to survive with his wife? After hearing the story from Lissa (name changed for her protection), I know she is a SHAMELESS type. When there are people in the house... people other than your future family, you don't tell your BOYFRIEND to actually shower with you. Slut. Even if you were married already by then. You don't tell your husband to shower with you when there are company in the house!

I am SUPER HAPPY that I found Aqeem. He showed me what M never showed me. The ugly truth about Kuching. The beauty of how it feels to be in love. Showing me appreciation was the best thing Aqeem did for me.

I don't need his money. I don't need his property. All I need is his love. There is nothing else in the world I want more than his love. I just want him to be there for me when I needed him the most. I just want him to love me for me not for anything else.

He is stronger than M. What people say about me and him, he ignores. He doesn't listen to them. Their lies and instigation. He is BETTER than M in many ways. Owh well.

I still wonder but I am still glad I walked out of M's life because I know that his main purpose in this game was to make me fall hard on my face but... it ended up the other way around :D