It's the Fear

Honestly, I admit. Gracefully but shamefully.

I fell in love... with someone, whom may not see me as his type or whatever but the thing is I feel this sudden rush of nauseous feeling when I think about it.

I wish I could tell that person how I feel for him but I don't want to lose him as a friend.

It's the fear. What to do? Let it be now.

I also don't want him to think that I broke up with M because of him. That is not the reason. I needed to break free. Many people can tell him that they tried persuading me to leave M but... it was me being all optimistic. Stupid me.

Owh well. I lost my mood. The groove to be in a good mood. I lost it. How? Just by thinking about all this...

Clicking and my FaceDouble

Yesterday, Till (Kak Yong's German brother) arrived Kuching. He would be here till he feels like he wants to go back! So, we went out yesterday night.

Till and I clicked. I didn't think I would click with him. I recalled that German girl earlier this year. I tried to talk to her but nothing seem to happen. She didn't click with me but with this Orang Melayu Clorox (or so we call him) we clicked immediately.

He talks alot and about anything.

Okay, how is he an Orang Melayu Clorox? What happened last night when we were sitting at Little Lebanon. And Adeeb asked him, "Till why won't you eat?" And Till was all blur. Then someone asked, "Why won't you eat the fries?"

And what Till say? That boy! "Why didn't you just say MAKAN?"

I swear that boy is more Malaysian than German! Haha!

Hehe! I am being conceited now. Hehe! I don't think I want to say anything else. I love this application in Facebook! Haha! :P

Will blog later. My brain is still snoozing despite the sleep I had today! :D

Me.

I could knock out anytime. No. Not asleep knock out but ... brain knock out. I didn't sleep since last night. I had been on my feet since 11 am this morning.

So. Go figure. I need to relax now...

OH. MY. GOD!

Kadangkala aku rasa ingin luahkan segalanya
Rahsia yang tersimpan di dada sekian lama
Namun kelu terus membisu menatap wajahmu
Daku malu tapi tak mahu kehilanganmu

( 1 )
Ucapkanlah cinta
Ucapkan ku saja yang kau perlu setiap waktu
Sepanjang hayatmu
Ucapkan kau rindu
Daku yang kau mahu
Yang kau cari telah kau temui
Ku tidak tertahan lagi untuk ku mengaku cintamu

Dan kadangkala kita hanya sedar keindahannya
Apabila ia sudah tiada di depan mata
Tidak rela kulepaskan satu-satunya insan
Yang berikan ku segala makna kehidupan

( ulang 1 )

Andai daku kau terima lebih dari kawan biasa
Daku kan setia tak kubenarkan kau berairmata
Andai kau terima cintaku
Daku kan belaikan tanganmu
Di penghujung waktu kau dan aku di dunia

That is so MY song.

ANYWAY..........................

I cannot sleep. I... don't know what to say. I found another GUILTY PLEASURE. I didn't stop "oh my God"ing since just now. Now, I know how Serena felt 9 years ago! Damn, Girl, you made karma bite me!

Owh. My. GOD!















... what the hell happened to me? What did whatever made me this way, do to me? Owh. MY GOD! Haha! I can't stop!

I should be asleep but I am still drooling away!

OWH MY GOD!

Can't I stop? My eyes are watery now! HAHAHA! Don't ask! I am not crying because I am sad but I am......... EEEK!!

~*~ THE WORD WEAVER'S IMAGE CATCHING PROJECT ~*~

The reason why I started this little project is because, I believed...

They say that, a picture is worth a thousand words and words can make a thousand pictures.

Go figure.

Hope you enjoy my not-so-spectacular collection because I enjoyed coming up with this! :D

Too Late

M called me earlier today... wanting to meet me. Again. I gave an excuse. The thing is, I don't want to risk my heart being shattered by him again! I... cannot afford to feel the pain I endured for the longest time. Nope.

I won the battle. He apologised. I said, "okay..." but, I don't want to regret anymore. No more. Enough. I had enough. Seriously. I had enough. He apologised a bit too late. He realised his mistakes... yet, he was too late.

I cannot look at him the same way I used to. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I want to think about it. I know, I freed myself from my burden. I want to continue my studies. I want to forget the people around me (not all)...

Enough. I need to get out once in a while I want a peaceful state of mind. I want. Security. That is all. If M truly meant what he had said about being sorry? If he was as sad as he sounded when he called? I will give him more time but I will NOT accept him.

Bloody hell. What the fuck am I thinking?

Hey, I should remain strong. I should remain victorious. I better not surrender while I am victorious. SERIOUSLY!

Just thinking of all the hurt in the past makes me wonder. Damn. I am going to move forward now :) thanks to SOMEONE... who will never be or ever be.

I don't care. As long as I am alive...? That matters... and if the world do end in 2012? So be it. I checked the calendar, a disaster will happen... 21.12.12 and in the Quran, it is said that that the world will end on a Friday. I checked. It is a Friday. So, if the world ends by then, no more suffering made by OTHER people towards me or another human being... No more tears in this miserable world.

I am beginning to sound different.

Lots of reason why. Just don't bother asking because I am just wondering, what will happen tomorrow if today was a good and a bad day at the same time. It is called a SUDDEN MOOD SWING. Almost like sudden death but this is a mood swing. I was feeling great having a beautiful time of my life but now, it feels like nothing seem right. It all seems dark.

Owh well. LIFE. People tend to REGRET at the end of the day when they know they lose something that is VALUABLE in their lives the way M did! :)

*taunting away* I won a battle. I won a battle... and at the same time... did I win another? Or did I lose? I don't know. Seriously. I don't think I want to care. Just get out when I still can...

Yeap, that is all about it. I am hoping that KRU or someone I like would write a song about my miserable life. HAHAHA! Damn, I sound drunk, don't I? :D

Bitch!

Apparently, I have to repeat my studies. I thought I could continue where I left off with Queensland University of Technology (QUT)! That is the only thing that made me angry today. That BITCH told me I could continue and LUCKILY I went back to the College today and met Mr. Angrez. Apparently, I have to go on with University of London (UOL). I will have to do THREE YEARS in Kuching and 9 months (for my Certificate of Legal Practise Malaysia (CLP)) in Kuala Lumpur! By doing my CLP, I can do my practise anywhere in Malaysia!

Damn. I will have to repeat everything! Argh! It is okay, Tunku Abdul Rahman (first Prime Minister of Malaysia) took 23 years (!) to do his law. But, I am afraid to break the news though. I hate that woman. Apparently, I am not the only one. I intend to get back at her. The other day you told me that I can continue with QUT, now Mr. Angrez told me, it would be better if I do with UOL.

I am going for UOL, since I have my Sijil Tinggi Perperiksaan Malaysia (STPM) certificate to qualify and I passed all my papers for Form 6. Damn. I have to study my ass off now. I MUST achieve that dream. Not only for my future but for my Father. I don't want to disappoint him anymore. Enough.

Wish me luck.

Narcissism

I truly admire those girls who are 3 times bigger than me. They tend to be more confident than me.

Truly. I admire them! Haha! Owh well, I like to make sure I am confident with myself. Owh yeah, the reason why I started on with taking self-portraiture is because when I used to be with M, I was not allowed to post my pictures online. So, now, I don't give a damn. He can bitch and whine. I am happier without him. I've been ignoring his sms-es lately. Serves him right. He broke my heart. So? It is only fair if I treat him coldly.

Below is my latest picture. Believe it or not, I took this picture in the car. All I did was edit the picture to get such lighting. Haha! Thank you Photoshop CS3! :)

Actually, after that lighting course with Ted, I got deeper with photography... whether it was scenery or portraiture... I got in a bit too deep. I even experiment with my handphone and laptop as my light source. Haha! And it was that picture that caused a little controversy! Haha!

I can't help it if I was only experimenting or if I did gain a little confidence within myself. In a way, I am happier without M controlling me. I am not allowed to do anything where he was concerned... He locked me in a cage when he goes free. It is not fair. Really.

NOW. I don't give a damn. I can take pictures of whatever I want. I can take pictures of myself for all I care! I can go wherever WITHOUT him to distract me.

I can especially be like Narcissist... although I don't get too conceited about the way I look. I know I am not that good looking... if I was... gosh. I don't want to think about it. I am thankful with what I've got. As long as I am normal. I am okay and I thank God, I am not a 'giant'. Seriously.

Hm. On contrary to what the title says, I think I know why I feel so sick... not only due to the excitement yesterday but I would think that, I lack the rest I need. I have been sleeping late but waking up early... Lately, I have been waking up at 7 am. Or before 8 am. Free will. No alarm needed. I need enough sleep... but I can't... No matter how late I sleep nowadays, I will always wake up at 7 something!

I need more sleep. Don't I? Hm. I don't really care about myself. Why should I anyway? I don't think it matters anymore. As long as I keep myself on my feet, I would probably be fine.

I hope.

Hurt

I hate to feel hurt. It makes me feel so down. Plus with my fever. I think. Things got worse. Today alone...

I walked into two chairs in one morning. Nearly got involved in an accident. Walked into someone. Can't differentiate what is A and B.

That shows how bad my fever was today. I woke up feeling as if I was on a stove or something. My head was empty and like said, my brain was snoozing most of the time. I was also getting angry most of the time.

Considering there were so many stupid people driving on the road. If they are not driving slow on the fast lane, they are tailgating you on the slow lane.

What doest the title have to do with anything? I am feeling hurt because I hurt someone. I think I did... and I fear I might lose that someone's friendship. I hate it when I start falling hard for someone. Especially it is someone who've given me back what I wanted most... my smile... and my laughter. Meeting that person made me happy. It made my heart sing a happy tune.

I don't want him to think that because of him I let M go. I had been suffering for a year plus now. I just want to give up. I gave up until one day. I dreamt. About that someone who gave me back my smile... the person responsible for my happy song.

Yet... what hurts me now is, my fear that that someone, might not even want to talk to me anymore... So... I shall continue down my lonely path...

Fairytales?

I was reading my Friendster Blog... and there is an entry called, Fairytales. I started my blog with:-

A perfect life only exist in fairytales.
Enough said.
No life is perfect... it is all too good to be true.
If life was perfect, everything would be easier...
REALITY CHECK: NOTHING IS EASY IN LIFE!

*sighs*

Damn true. I wonder. Will I get home in one piece later? My eyes are failing me. Eek! I need to put my music out loud! Argh!

Outburst

When people say that outburst of emotions can make a person sick. I didn't believe. I believe it now. It happens and don't underestimate it. I didn't want to believe it. But then...

It happened.

Yesterday. A mixture of all positive emotions blended in one soul. I was so happy, so excited... But when it was bedtime, after a midnight cold shower, I woke up the next day feeling weak and tired.

Today. A total different mixture of feelings and emotions are blended into me. Most of the time I felt feverish. In one morning, I walked into TWO chairs. While driving, I knew my mind was sweeping off and as dangerous as this sounds, I kept on encroaching into other people's lane!

My brain is on snooze. As I type this now, my eyes are still heavy. Damn. You can fry an egg on my forehead... my chest hurts... and if I eat wrongly, I would end up vomitting everything out.

I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. GO. TO. THE. DOCTOR! I will be okay. I think. By tomorrow.

The weather in Kuching? Almost like my mood. Can you believe it? When the thunder rolled, I actually jumped. That shows how jumpy I am. Normally when I see lightning, I know there is bound to be thunder but today, I jumped when the thunder rolled, TWICE.

That shows how blur I was today. My brain is on snooze button. So, possibilities of being sickly? Very high. Right now, I am prone to be all blurry and cranky. Not much in the mood to go out anywhere though. But, there are responsibilities to be done. I have no choice. A duty as an elder sister. *chuckles weakly*

Me eyes are still 'eavy! (with Irish accents)

Stand My Ground (Within Temptation)

I can see
when you stay low nothing happens
Does it feel right ?

Late at night
things I thought I put behind me
haunt my mind

I just know there's no escape now
once it sets it's eyes on you
but I won't run, have to stare it in the eye

Stand my ground, I won't give in
No more denying, I gotta face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand My Ground

It's all around
getting stronger, coming closer
into my world

I can feel
that it's time for me to face it
can I take it?

Though this might just be the ending
of the life I held so dear
but I won't run, there's no turning back from here

Stand my ground, I won't give in
No more denying, I gotta face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand My Ground

All I know for sure is I'm trying
I will always stand my ground

Stand my ground, I won't give in (I won't give in)
I won't give up (I won't give up)
no more denying, I got to face it
won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
if I don't make it, someone else will

Stand my ground, I won't give in
No more denying, I gotta face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it, someone else will
Stand My Ground.

Can I try and claim that this is my song? Somehow, I realised why I really like this song. In a way, this song gave me a will to actually think about facing my fear... Oh God. I wish I had guts but like how Sharon put it, if I don't make it, someone else will stand my ground.

*sighs* I am still feeling rather tired and uneasy. I should get up now. I gotta do a few stuff today! No guarantee my mood would be perfect today. I can feel that it is bound to be one of those depressing days.

I'm Learning

How is it now have you moved on
And do you still think of me
When I'm gone
I think of you and I just wonder
Where you are
And what thoughts are racing through your mind
Who are you holding now
Oh I hope that you are happy now and
Someday I know I will be
I've been told there'll be another (or so they say)
But I guess never like the other
So I'll shed my tears
And I'll face my fears
I've been told there'll be another

It's so simple to say I love you
But sometimes it's not enough
So I'll find my sunrise
At the end of these few words
Who are you holding now
Oh I hope that you're happy now and
Someday I know I will be

I LOVE THIS SONG BY BOYZONE. For obvious reasons. Boybands are my guilty pleasure~

This Is The Story of A Girl

.::. Let me tell you a story about a girl .::.

:: Her name was Airin. She had a difficult life. Her life was filled with only darkness. People tried to get her out but she didn't care. She was in love with someone who didn't appreciate her. His name was Zack. Airin was totally in love with Zack. It didn't matter to her if he hurt her so badly. It didn't matter if he had slept with other girls. She loved him. She even attempted several stupidity just for him. She did the extremes like drowning herself in tears. She had patience for him. She believed he would change. She was confident that he loved her sincerely enough to change just for her.

She was wrong.

For her, he didn't change. Airin went into mourning. She slashed herself just to watch herself bleed. She became suicidal. She didn't think that there was more to life. She only loved that bastard. She didn't stop to think that there were some people out there who cared for her. She didn't stop to think that physical scars are obvious. It won't disappear too easily. Instead, she liked the idea of blood dripping from her arm. She liked watching her flesh split, revealing not of red but of white flesh... She didn't feel nauseous. She felt pain. Intense pain in her heart but not on her arm.

Some 6 stitches later, she was still depressed. He still didn't care about her. He still chose to be with some girl he met in the club. She was left alone. She was hurt. She was hurt from her own patience. She wasn't happy nor chirpy as she used to be. She was always crying. She was always feeling down. She was always suicidal. She was always so sad till she often sigh to herself, "I should not exist..."

Then, God sent her someone to enter her life. His name was Jared. They started out as friends. She didn't see anything in him, because to Airin, her heart was owned by Zack. As Airin realizes that her own boyfriend didn't care about her, she decided to slowly give up. She had enough of asking questions on what Zack was up to. It was his choice to get instigated by his friends who was only using him and weren't sincere to him. She made up her mind to stop crying since she was tired of shedding tears.

Who was her shoulder to cry on? Jared. She didn't realize at first that she had feelings for Jared. Until a sign was sent to her through a dream. She realized that it was time to fall out of love with her useless bastard of a boyfriend... the guy who shattered her heart... the guy who she patiently waited for. She knew he lost her. She regretted for being patient and loyal despite all the heartache she suffered.

Jared was something else. Though he admit that he wasn't all that great but she felt like there was an adrenaline rush pumping into her body system everytime she met him. He was there when she needed him. He had always gave her the will to go on. Ever since, Airin, the sad depressed girl we read about earlier... became what she had wanted to be and what she used to be before meeting Zack.

She found her smile. She found some sunlight shining through her windows. It wasn't raining as heavily as it used to be. She had started laughing again. She was smiling happily again. Most of all, the songs she used to sing changed into a happier tune. She wished that it was permanent. Yet. Due to some circumstances, she feared. By telling Jared how she felt, all that would disappear and she would sit in the darkness again IF... she was clapping alone... she remain quiet about how she felt for him. She had fallen again... and wasn't sure if there was Jared to catch her when she fell. She didn't want risking losing someone who knew how she felt about her life. She didn't want risking another heartache.

She admitted, as days went by her and after her break up with Zack, she fell in love with Jared. She was willing to hurt herself by being afraid to tell him she had feelings for him. She was willing to hurt herself watching him smile at her. She was willing to remain silent and not blush when being around him.

Even when she fell for Jared, Zack often came back to her. She didn't want to hurt anymore where Zack was concerned. She didn't want him back because she knew if he did say he would change, he won't. He lost her. Only then he realized... her heart wasn't his anymore. She didn't trust him anymore. She didn't care for him anymore.

And all she wanted was to see that warm smile which made her heart leapt or made her heart sing when he talks to her. She didn't want to risk losing all that... instead, she was willing to kill herself asking, "how does he feel towards me?"... She knows, she will regret if she didn't go up to tell him... but what makes her fear more is, his reaction towards her after she had confessed... That is about the only risk, she will have to make but eventually, she need to put her thoughts into action before she is too late... all she did was, fell in love with someone else, and he was her saviour... ::

*sighs* enough stories for now... I need to sleep, another early headstart tomorrow. I am not much in a good mood... owh well.

Extreme Deliria~

CLICK HERE TO READ THIS.

That is enough to kill me... I am done.

"Biarlah Rahsia"

This song has some meaning to my life.

I am not going to talk more about it before Adeeb destroys me further!!! EEEEKK!!!!

Love Hurts...

I love that song by Nazareth called Love Hurts. Read on.

Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

I'm young, I know, But even so
I know a thing or two - I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

Some fools think of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
They're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
Ooo-oo, Love hurts Ooo-oo

Oh yeah. Damn true. Reason why I hate it when I start falling head over heels over someone. I get vulnerable. Argh!

I took a test on Facebook... What is LOVE to you? And the result was, "Came for friendship and took away love..."

My comment?

That is the painful part about LOVE. Seriously. Came for friendship. took away love. Then when it all ends? Friendship are often left shattered... damnn.

One reason why I fear falling in love. The main intention is to become friends. When I start walking away with love... and when things start to crumble... even friendship can't help us...

I am deathly afraid of that, so far I do get along well with my ex-es (except M though - who is too much of an ego-ist bastard). Often. I am victim where relationships are concerned... Oh well. What to do? *sighs* That is the way life is.

Not only love hurts but my chest hurts, too. I think it is the food poisoning! *wipes sweat from her forehead* Damn, to think that a blood hospital should be promoting hygiene and the canteen was FILTHY! Argh!

I am afraid to know if it was my imagination but... I thought I saw a bug or something crawling in the rice. Eek!

Thought For Food

I can't believe this. YOU won't believe this. I would think the canteen at a hospital would look clean. Damn. I proved myself wrong. It took me by surprise. Damn. It's so dirty it's not funny. You lose appetite just by sitting down here. Oh my God. I feel like vomiting. Just thinking about it makes me sick.. Will talk about it later. The thought of it. Damn...

On Writing and On Photography

I enjoy writing. I also enjoy photography. What is the difference between the two? Well, when you write a thousand words, you are forming ONE PICTURE but with ONE PICTURE you are looking at a thousand words. That is the beauty of putting the two together.

There is something to ponder about. There are some people who says that (in photography) you need expensive equipment to produce wonderful looking pictures. So, do we need to get a RM1,000 pen to write good poems or stories? Or an expensive LAPTOP for that matter to write. Let alone, to edit pictures!

For crying out loud, I edit my pictures using Photoshop CS3 and on my XP. I don't need to use an iMac. Or Photomatix!

So, let's ponder, is it necessary for us to get expensive equipment so that we can produce something that is said to be awesome? I use my cameraphone most of the time to take pictures lately because I find it convenient for me. Then, I use whatever paper or pen or pencil to write whatever poem there is in my head.

So? I still have people commenting my pictures, praising. Reading my works, praising. And to think I am using the most simplest of things. I write down on a piece of paper then type it down. I use my cameraphone then transfer pictures into my laptop. What is there to say? Who said we need EXPENSIVE equipment to produce nice stuff?

It is all in the mind and in the eyes. It is all about creativity. Not the equipment...

I typed that down all due to boredom. Since I am kinda suffering from a WRITER'S BLOCK! Sick and sad, huh? To think I have a storyboard to write out. Argh!

What I Hate Most...

Are...

Questions.

I tend to think alot and ask myself a lot of questions. I try not to ask why but at the end of the bloody day, I ask myself "Why did so-and-so happen...?" or "Why must it be me?"

What I hate most?

Will always be questions...

For a person who has the sixth sense where a third eye is concerned, I suck at it. Seriously.

I need to stop thinking once in a while. My brain deserve some serious rest.

A Story Is Told...

I was listening to V.E and Quadrose's version of All Cried Out which was originally by Allure feat 112... Enjoy this song called, Kerana Cintamu.

What seems to be the problem here? Well, I would think that the guy broke her heart. The same bloody way M broke mine.

Last Minute Realization is my FAVORITE WORST CASE SCENARIO BECAUSE...

It makes us "prey" feel stronger than the "predator".

How?

Simple. Let me give you a scenario.

Matt and Shannon have been together for a year and a half... Wherever Shannon went, Matt was there and vice versa. She was in love with him. She was all there for him. She was loyal to him and she didn't look at another guy but him. She adored him.

Until one day, he became close to people who were not worth being close to. He changed. He changed and it hurt her. He had other girls in his arms, slept at the other girl's place. It killed her. She endured. She tolerated the pain and ignored the instigation of those around her. He abused her. Emotionally and physically. She went to the extremes and attempted suicide. She changed. She cried most of the time. She was treated harshly by the girl who stood in her place. The girl who cut her line. He was NEVER there for her since. And, as time went by, Shannon begged Matt to change until one day (during their 3rd year together), she knew that too many chances were given and she had to give up on him. She had enough of tears. She had the strength to go on now, since she was almost used to being left alone. She didn't love him anymore. She lost hope in him. She wanted to be free. She made herself believe that she was single... they had broken up.

Then, suddenly, he reappeared asking her to come back. Yet, she made up her mind. She will not go back to him. She didn't want to beat herself up just for someone who didn't appreciate her. She was already free from her misery. She resolute to stop crying because her tears wasn't worth it for him...

So, the moral of the story is, don't ill-treat your girl especially if she is so in love with you... if she loves you... don't take her for granted. Don't ever under or overestimate her. She might eventually give up on you. She may be patient but keep in mind, even patience have limitations... don't ever cheat her heart... you will only kill her and when she turn your back on you, don't just realise only then... don't just realise that she is the one when it is too late.

Damn, tears are welling in my eyes.

I am happy because I managed to set myself free from making more mistakes. I managed to build some strength to move on. I proved that I did become stronger. Yet, when I think about it... if wasn't for my Saviour, I won't be where I am now. So all thanks to him :)

I am feeling happy. I am smiling but there are tears in my eyes. Why? I pity M. I had enough of people telling me that they pity me, they should PITY him. I was loyal. I was head over heels for him and yet, he lost me. It was his loss. Not mine...

Even with a bad experience, even if I do fall in love again or get into a relationship again, I won't hurt my significant other the way M hurt me. It is not fair. Who wants to be hurt? I certainly don't want to feel so much pain... after enduring for 3 years... seriously.

Thank God It Was You

i never thought that it was you who would hold out your hands for me,
i never expected that it would be you who would rescue me,
i did not realise that you were protecting me,
i have always thought that you won't hold me tightly the way you did,
i never felt so much joy when you are near,
i never found so much happiness,
people think i am happier now,
people see me and wonder about me,
they realised that i am much happier than i used to be,
maybe,
you made me the way i am now,
i don't have to hide my tears,
i don't have to hide my fears because you are near,
i thought a person like you was only a dream never coming true,
but,
thank God it was you,
who held my hands through the dark,
it was you who held me in your arms to sleep at night,
and it was your love that brought me through the stormiest weather...
i thank God that it WAS you!

© Jasima Junaidi 2008

Disturbed

I am not going to read Stephen's blog ever again. It is just wrong. The thought about f*cking a corpse seems like the most disturbing thought ever! To think I was serious about playing House of the Dead, I think, I will not look at ZOMBIES the same way again.

I read Stephen's poem on his Friendster blog and this is my thought about it...

No doubt it was good but...

Bloody hell, I am damn speechless... I am lost for words. For once. I don't even know what to say but OH MY F***ING HELL and to think I didn't know Hell can f*** but...

OH MY GOD.

OH.................................

MY................

GOD.............. and I didn't stop cursing after reading that poem.

CLICK IF YOU DARE

The thought of "Doing It" to a corpse is... NOT COOL.

I am lost for words... seriously. I don't know what else to say... Mood is great but... after reading that disturbing poem...

Eek! Being a typical literature student, I read every word, absorb them and... imagined... and the moment the... sex came into the picture... I was already cursing my heart out and my first words was... "Sh*t!"

At first, I thought it was vampiric... then, apparently, when I continued reading that poem, I realised that it was ... NOT VAMPIRIC at all... it was... just... WRONG.

All the gore...

I write gothic poems, too but... where sex is concerned, I don't touch on the subject.

That was an instant headbang... I should continue writing my own poem now... I need ideas and for some kind of weird reason, The Labyrinth popped in my head...

Stephen, thanks to you, my brain is not mine tonight~~

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOMETHING NICE TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE I START DREAMING ABOUT ... ZOMBIES "DOING IT"...

Oh my God... Taken from my Facebook notes.

That should be enough for tonight. Damn, my mind is disturbed. Seriously.

Random Deliria (Part II)

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive. You understand people better than they would like to be understood. Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details. You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

What Should Your Superpower Be?

I was bored. Ok? And my brain is not functioning well enough for me to blog! A second one now!

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight. You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder. Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily. Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

Arieanna

I miss this little girl! This was taken last year when we went to Sematan. What was in that plastic you may wonder...

Nuril's burger.

I love this shot because of the look on her face. Haha!