Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really weren’t?
= Yes. Just to make them feel that I was okay. I don't want them to start fretting over me. It is bad enough I was hurting. I don't want them to know how bad I feel deep within me.
Do you think anyone in general out there loves you?
= I sure hope so. Even if I strongly feel that I shouldn't love him anymore... I hope all his sorries were honest because I am immuned to his lies. He still owes me an explaination. About EVERYTHING since last year. We need time to talk and time alone.
What do you currently hear right now?
= Sempurna by Andra and the Backbone. Hehe! I love that song. it is a beautiful song. Haha! And that stupid dog barking for no reason!
Last person who told you things were going to be okay?
= Serena. I think. Hehe. About Jon. Haha! :D
Does the number 18 have any significance to you?= I don't think so. Hehe!
Be honest, do you like people in general?
= At times. I tend to dislike certain group of people. Owh well. I try not to dislike them unless they make me dislike them first! Haha!
What do you think your best friends doing right now?
= I don't know. I don't have a CCTV hovering over them. Yet. I think Serena is at home. Juliana might be at church. Adeeb? Probably dating the TV watching animes!
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
= Hadn't thought about it. YET.
What are you wearing right now?
= Tee shirt and jeans. As usual. I like being comfortable rather than being dressy for no reason.
What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
= Not sure. Since. It is a Sunday tomorrow. Anything can come up tomorrow. Hehe!
Do you think you like anyone?
= Yes. I think I like someone :( I am not sure if I really like him because I cannot handle anymore rejection for the time being. I cannot handle any disappointment for the time being.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours?
= Yes. Due to my heartbreak :( A few nights ago. Didn't sleep at all. Too much thoughs in my head that whole 2 days! :(
What is one thing you miss about your past?
= Honestly? The OLD him. The straight forward him. The him with no stupid excuses. The PARANOID over me him. I miss that one thing about my past. The time when he was so sweet and everything revolved around me. Everything we did, we did together. I miss that. Now? I walked out only because there seem to be no hope in him...
Are you jealous of anyone right now?
= What is the use? :( I might be jealous at the wrong place. So, I dare not say yes or no... I don't know what to say...
Do you like your first name?
= It is an honourable name. Of course...
Baseball or football?
= Football. Please. I hate baseball. Baseball is a bit confusing.
Would you ever forgive someone if they cheated on you?
= There are circumstances when chances should be given but after quite some time, if there is no improvements, better not turn back :( You can forgive but don't give in. Why am I saying all this when I am having second thoughts?
Is there anyone you hate? Who?
= I don't want to do hate. My hatred towards them will make them stronger. So? Why should I make them stronger? I don't want to be stronger than me. They can hate me all they want. I don't give a damn. It is their problem. Not mine.
What are you looking forward to in the next month?
= Just thought about it. My elder sister to give birth! I am going to be an official aunt! Yippie! :D And of course, people would think I am looking forward to Raya. I am not. As usual, Raya will be a lonely one. As usual, I will be alone on Raya. So, I am not counting on it. Not counting on it.
What color is your hair?
= Dark brown. I don't dye my hair. I don't want to damage my hair. It is damaged enough! :(
Are you single or taken?
= SINGLE and can be considered, boxing my heart away. I may have fallen for someone but I am not sure if that someone have the intention to actually catch me when I fall. I am afraid to open up my heart again. I cannot afford to let my heart bruise anymore than its already been bruised.
Do you regret doing something today?
= Nope. Today seems. Okay. I think.
When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
= Leprachauns dancing and prancing and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! I want to be rich like them leprachauns!
Have you lost contact with someone you miss?
= YES. Sad, huh? :(
Do you think you’re old?
= At times. Hey, 24 is an old age... It is no joke!
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
= No. I was weak back then. I was always crying back then. I was always so suicidal back then. Now, I know I am stronger than I used to be. I don't cry as much as I did... Most of all. I am not as suicidal as I used to be... I am still emotionally unstable though but... I know I have a ground to stand on...
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
= Yes. Honestly. Yet when I think about it. I should be thankful that I have my own screwed up life to handle.
Do you talk a lot?
= When I am in a good mood. It tend to happen! When I am in a good mood, I am like the thing that wouldn't shut up! I can't stop talking! Hehe!
When was the last time you cried really hard?
= A few nights ago. I was feeling bad. I was feeling sad. I wanted that feeling to go away but I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it... I think I was chatting with Bang Lan that night... about something... Something that broke my heart. Something that... hurt me so much... something I wish never happened but... since it happened, there should be a reason why it happened.
If you could change your eye color would you?
= NO. I like my brown eyes.
Are you self conscious?
= I can be at times... and that is when I tend to get low self esteem! Damn!
Last bed you slept in and with who?
= My own. Alone. No one to sleep with. Spiritually... *sighs*
How many hours sleep did you get last night?
= I don't know. I didn't see the time I went to sleep last night! :D
Are you friends with any of your exes?
= Not all. I am close friends with one of them though... whenever I've got a problem, I'd call him up and ask him to go to the beach with me!
What music are you listening to?
= Currently? Indonesian pop/ballad. I am hooked. Again! :D Yet, some of the songs have some deep meaning to my life :( That is why I like Indonesian songs more than our Malaysian songs. Seriously.
Is there a member of the opposite gender on your mind?
= YES! :( I wish he knew though...
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
= Nope :( I wish I had someone to tell... After the incident of feeling numb, I don't think I want people to know anymore how I feel towards him.
Do you miss anyone?
= Yes :( and unfortunately... I don't think I want to think about it. No. Not now. It will only hurt me more just thinking about it. I was the one who left but I am the one who misses him. I miss someone else but I don't think there is a chance for me to be with him. Sad but true.
Are you growing apart from someone close?
= Yes. I am.
Do you have a facebook?
= I ABSOLUTELY LOVE FACEBOOK! It is better than Friendster actually. But come to think of it. Everything has its pros and cons. So... there is nothing much you can say about it. Friendster just got boring because they are so many attention seeking people on Friendster who tend to announce to the world on their bulletin board that they are online and offline. With Facebook, you've got the ON SITE CHAT. So you can tell if a person is online or not. Facebook rocks!
Are you living a lie?
= Life itself is a beautiful lie.. trust me. No life is perfect. No life is meant to be perfect.
Can a girl and a boy be best friends with out having feelings for each other?
= YES! Just like me and Adeeb. Adeeb is the one who said if he and I were to be an item, he'd feel gay because he sees me as a MALE FRIEND... and the same thought for me. I would feel lesbian because I see him as my FEMALE FRIEND! Hahah! Crazy, huh? ;)
= Yes. Just to make them feel that I was okay. I don't want them to start fretting over me. It is bad enough I was hurting. I don't want them to know how bad I feel deep within me.
Do you think anyone in general out there loves you?
= I sure hope so. Even if I strongly feel that I shouldn't love him anymore... I hope all his sorries were honest because I am immuned to his lies. He still owes me an explaination. About EVERYTHING since last year. We need time to talk and time alone.
What do you currently hear right now?
= Sempurna by Andra and the Backbone. Hehe! I love that song. it is a beautiful song. Haha! And that stupid dog barking for no reason!
Last person who told you things were going to be okay?
= Serena. I think. Hehe. About Jon. Haha! :D
Does the number 18 have any significance to you?= I don't think so. Hehe!
Be honest, do you like people in general?
= At times. I tend to dislike certain group of people. Owh well. I try not to dislike them unless they make me dislike them first! Haha!
What do you think your best friends doing right now?
= I don't know. I don't have a CCTV hovering over them. Yet. I think Serena is at home. Juliana might be at church. Adeeb? Probably dating the TV watching animes!
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
= Hadn't thought about it. YET.
What are you wearing right now?
= Tee shirt and jeans. As usual. I like being comfortable rather than being dressy for no reason.
What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
= Not sure. Since. It is a Sunday tomorrow. Anything can come up tomorrow. Hehe!
Do you think you like anyone?
= Yes. I think I like someone :( I am not sure if I really like him because I cannot handle anymore rejection for the time being. I cannot handle any disappointment for the time being.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours?
= Yes. Due to my heartbreak :( A few nights ago. Didn't sleep at all. Too much thoughs in my head that whole 2 days! :(
What is one thing you miss about your past?
= Honestly? The OLD him. The straight forward him. The him with no stupid excuses. The PARANOID over me him. I miss that one thing about my past. The time when he was so sweet and everything revolved around me. Everything we did, we did together. I miss that. Now? I walked out only because there seem to be no hope in him...
Are you jealous of anyone right now?
= What is the use? :( I might be jealous at the wrong place. So, I dare not say yes or no... I don't know what to say...
Do you like your first name?
= It is an honourable name. Of course...
Baseball or football?
= Football. Please. I hate baseball. Baseball is a bit confusing.
Would you ever forgive someone if they cheated on you?
= There are circumstances when chances should be given but after quite some time, if there is no improvements, better not turn back :( You can forgive but don't give in. Why am I saying all this when I am having second thoughts?
Is there anyone you hate? Who?
= I don't want to do hate. My hatred towards them will make them stronger. So? Why should I make them stronger? I don't want to be stronger than me. They can hate me all they want. I don't give a damn. It is their problem. Not mine.
What are you looking forward to in the next month?
= Just thought about it. My elder sister to give birth! I am going to be an official aunt! Yippie! :D And of course, people would think I am looking forward to Raya. I am not. As usual, Raya will be a lonely one. As usual, I will be alone on Raya. So, I am not counting on it. Not counting on it.
What color is your hair?
= Dark brown. I don't dye my hair. I don't want to damage my hair. It is damaged enough! :(
Are you single or taken?
= SINGLE and can be considered, boxing my heart away. I may have fallen for someone but I am not sure if that someone have the intention to actually catch me when I fall. I am afraid to open up my heart again. I cannot afford to let my heart bruise anymore than its already been bruised.
Do you regret doing something today?
= Nope. Today seems. Okay. I think.
When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
= Leprachauns dancing and prancing and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! I want to be rich like them leprachauns!
Have you lost contact with someone you miss?
= YES. Sad, huh? :(
Do you think you’re old?
= At times. Hey, 24 is an old age... It is no joke!
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
= No. I was weak back then. I was always crying back then. I was always so suicidal back then. Now, I know I am stronger than I used to be. I don't cry as much as I did... Most of all. I am not as suicidal as I used to be... I am still emotionally unstable though but... I know I have a ground to stand on...
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
= Yes. Honestly. Yet when I think about it. I should be thankful that I have my own screwed up life to handle.
Do you talk a lot?
= When I am in a good mood. It tend to happen! When I am in a good mood, I am like the thing that wouldn't shut up! I can't stop talking! Hehe!
When was the last time you cried really hard?
= A few nights ago. I was feeling bad. I was feeling sad. I wanted that feeling to go away but I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it... I think I was chatting with Bang Lan that night... about something... Something that broke my heart. Something that... hurt me so much... something I wish never happened but... since it happened, there should be a reason why it happened.
If you could change your eye color would you?
= NO. I like my brown eyes.
Are you self conscious?
= I can be at times... and that is when I tend to get low self esteem! Damn!
Last bed you slept in and with who?
= My own. Alone. No one to sleep with. Spiritually... *sighs*
How many hours sleep did you get last night?
= I don't know. I didn't see the time I went to sleep last night! :D
Are you friends with any of your exes?
= Not all. I am close friends with one of them though... whenever I've got a problem, I'd call him up and ask him to go to the beach with me!
What music are you listening to?
= Currently? Indonesian pop/ballad. I am hooked. Again! :D Yet, some of the songs have some deep meaning to my life :( That is why I like Indonesian songs more than our Malaysian songs. Seriously.
Is there a member of the opposite gender on your mind?
= YES! :( I wish he knew though...
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
= Nope :( I wish I had someone to tell... After the incident of feeling numb, I don't think I want people to know anymore how I feel towards him.
Do you miss anyone?
= Yes :( and unfortunately... I don't think I want to think about it. No. Not now. It will only hurt me more just thinking about it. I was the one who left but I am the one who misses him. I miss someone else but I don't think there is a chance for me to be with him. Sad but true.
Are you growing apart from someone close?
= Yes. I am.
Do you have a facebook?
= I ABSOLUTELY LOVE FACEBOOK! It is better than Friendster actually. But come to think of it. Everything has its pros and cons. So... there is nothing much you can say about it. Friendster just got boring because they are so many attention seeking people on Friendster who tend to announce to the world on their bulletin board that they are online and offline. With Facebook, you've got the ON SITE CHAT. So you can tell if a person is online or not. Facebook rocks!
Are you living a lie?
= Life itself is a beautiful lie.. trust me. No life is perfect. No life is meant to be perfect.
Can a girl and a boy be best friends with out having feelings for each other?
= YES! Just like me and Adeeb. Adeeb is the one who said if he and I were to be an item, he'd feel gay because he sees me as a MALE FRIEND... and the same thought for me. I would feel lesbian because I see him as my FEMALE FRIEND! Hahah! Crazy, huh? ;)
