Today, I handed up a 100 word essay (which KILLED me because I suck at writing SHORT essays!) for Mr. Lawrence to read in Creative Thinking class.
Here is a longer (and truthful) definition about me.
Hi, I am Shano Jay. I was born on March 4th 1984 at 9 am. I am 5 feet 5 inches and a bit on the chubby side.
People's first impression about me will always be, "She is a bubbly girl." or "Jaja is so happy-go-lucky!". Well, that is on the outside. What is written on the inside, they don't know. What is Jaja powered with... what is really in Jaja's mind... no one knows but myself. So, I shall reveal.
I may be a chatterbox on the outside, there is a reason why I chitter chatter non-stop. To avoid the real darkness that lurk within me. I admit, I am very emotional but when bitterness start sucking into me. That emo-ness will turn to hatred and I don't handle hatred or grudges nicely.
I am not exactly the right person to mess with considering with all the backup I have. I am not as nice as I try to be. Try messing with me like how M did. I have many people willing to pounce on him just to kill him but with me trying my best to keep things clean, I tell them, I am giving him a chance until a certain date. What will happen if I don't get what I want by that date? A war. I will make sure I hunt him down to the wormhole.. I don't let go easily. I hold grudges. Once I start hating, I won't stop. I will make sure his life is miserable enough for him to bear. I don't care. I am, after all, how my Father put it, very UnIslamic. I don't forgive and forget easily. I don't let go easily. Once you bruise my heart or leave a scar on my heart, that will be the end of it. Love will turn to hate. Hate will turn into vengeance.
I also believe in karma. I won't take things into action because I know what goes around, comes around. I have seen karma happen before my eyes. I have seen many things people don't expect me to see. I have seen it all to make me understand why people can screw their lives so badly. I have seen them suffered. I laughed. I cried. Watching all that.
Not everyone know what I am capable of when I am angry or upset about something. How I tend to hurt myself in order to avoid hurting other people. I throw tantrums easily when provoked. Quite honestly, I had even beaten up someone because of anger... And beaten up someone in order to defend myself from being abused by someone I thought who would take care of me.
I don't open up easily. People think I do but I don't. It takes time for me to open up. Why do you think my poems are often so angsty or so dark? That is how I express my feelings.
Yet. Want to know a secret? Want to make me hate you more and find ways to kill you silently and slowly? Try messing with my parents or sisters or close friends... that is the best way to start... I know where to get my backup. I know where to go. Or what to do.
I may look helpless but don't think that I am. I am not.
Coming to KL is a new breath for me. I am happy here at least when those RUBBISH in Kuching sms me asking about stuff, I can easily tell them, "I don't know. Okay go away now, I am busy and have no fucking time to fucking entertain you." without any further arguments.
The only friends I have left in Kuching are my BFFs, Della and Astley, Akim and Bob. Other than that, they aren't friends but wolves under sheep's skin.
I will have to stop now. Eyes getting heavy.
More later.
