"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
As negative as what it is said above, it is very true. Just as when you think, "This is the person who I am going to share my life with..." and that is the very person who breaks you inside out. That is the very person who attempts to kill you. That is the very person you plays with your heart. Just as when you thought you can give everything to them.
I had enough of people like that... I am honestly, afraid to even fall in love. I had my share... In my case, he changed for someone who didn't really care. He changed because of the instigation of others who was envious. At first, I endured. I was sure he would succumb. Until a few weeks ago, as the doors of my heart closed, I realised that, I was giving up and I had enough. I dumped him. I couldn't hold the pain much longer. He treated me as if I was dirt. I am glad to think that I didn't lose anything... he did. It was my gain but his loss. Why? There I was loyal and was confident in him yet... he made me feel like as if I don't deserve to live. I didn't deserve a life full of happiness. That is when I thought, "why should I bother if he doesn't?" *sighs* I admit, I am happy now yet there is a certain emptiness within my soul. The feeling is empty though I am honestly contented. The feeling is beautiful yet ugly. The mixed up emotion conquers me. Deeply. Slicing through my flesh.
I did something stupid in the past which left me with a 2 inches scar on my left arm... That is the only reminder of my past... other than that, I forgotten what was it like to be with him. Every single memory of sweetness died when I was suffering within that year. When that skank entered his life... when he was always with that bastard... When, I started hurting myself... emotionally... and physically. I even got a supply of Gillette blades once... That was just my stupid past... Now, I don't do that. I know I've got people who cares about me... I thank them for that.
Nowadays when I look at my scar, tears automatically roll down from my cheeks. It was stupid mistake. It really was. I wish I never took out that knife and slashed myself. Quite honestly, I didn't feel any pain until blood started flowing. *sighs* It was 'good' experience to see and to get my arm stitched though...
I want to forget my past... although AUGUST and September 4th and my 2 inches "millipede" is a reminder for all the pain and endurance I went through. Well, like most people said, they pity me for being mistreated but I want you guys to know, don't pity me anymore... pity him, for losing a loyal person like me.
This is my promise though, even if I do get into a relationship again, I don't intend to hurt my significant other's feelings. I will take care of his feelings like how I've been taking care of his feelings in the past... and I will forget him entirely. Right now, as much as I hate to admit that it hurts trying to forget him, Tej's smile is the only thing that keeps me going on and on. I sincerely hope that it is Tej who will make my heart a better place. *smiles*
Anyway, yesterday I was angry at an arrogant person. I hadn't visited the forum yet since I am a bit too sleepy to even bother going anywhere else but Blogger and Facebook. So, about yesterday, I resort to pour my heart out by sending Ted Adnan an email. And he simply sent me a link which truly made my day (despite the bad tummy ache)
Please click here.
Preston Mack-- he's the man! Especially when he commented; "Nikon released a pair of the best digital SLRs ever made, the D300 and the D3." Damn, that TRULY made my day! Adeeb and I call those two cameras the SPARTAN CAMERAS. And I had the opportunity to touch a Nikon D3 (didn't dare use it!) and been taken a picture of with a D3! Haha!
Ted, you made it all possible. I was a little kitten at the side of the road, ignored and was left unsignificant in the photography world. Yet, you made me see myself in a different perspective and you are also responsible for my obsession for my cameraphone ;)
Gosh, as much as I loathe August. Things are brighter. Slightly brighter. Hehe! I will blog later when I get in the groove. I am in the mood to read something now. Hehe. Gosh, that article really made my day!
I had enough of people like that... I am honestly, afraid to even fall in love. I had my share... In my case, he changed for someone who didn't really care. He changed because of the instigation of others who was envious. At first, I endured. I was sure he would succumb. Until a few weeks ago, as the doors of my heart closed, I realised that, I was giving up and I had enough. I dumped him. I couldn't hold the pain much longer. He treated me as if I was dirt. I am glad to think that I didn't lose anything... he did. It was my gain but his loss. Why? There I was loyal and was confident in him yet... he made me feel like as if I don't deserve to live. I didn't deserve a life full of happiness. That is when I thought, "why should I bother if he doesn't?" *sighs* I admit, I am happy now yet there is a certain emptiness within my soul. The feeling is empty though I am honestly contented. The feeling is beautiful yet ugly. The mixed up emotion conquers me. Deeply. Slicing through my flesh.
I did something stupid in the past which left me with a 2 inches scar on my left arm... That is the only reminder of my past... other than that, I forgotten what was it like to be with him. Every single memory of sweetness died when I was suffering within that year. When that skank entered his life... when he was always with that bastard... When, I started hurting myself... emotionally... and physically. I even got a supply of Gillette blades once... That was just my stupid past... Now, I don't do that. I know I've got people who cares about me... I thank them for that.
Nowadays when I look at my scar, tears automatically roll down from my cheeks. It was stupid mistake. It really was. I wish I never took out that knife and slashed myself. Quite honestly, I didn't feel any pain until blood started flowing. *sighs* It was 'good' experience to see and to get my arm stitched though...
I want to forget my past... although AUGUST and September 4th and my 2 inches "millipede" is a reminder for all the pain and endurance I went through. Well, like most people said, they pity me for being mistreated but I want you guys to know, don't pity me anymore... pity him, for losing a loyal person like me.
This is my promise though, even if I do get into a relationship again, I don't intend to hurt my significant other's feelings. I will take care of his feelings like how I've been taking care of his feelings in the past... and I will forget him entirely. Right now, as much as I hate to admit that it hurts trying to forget him, Tej's smile is the only thing that keeps me going on and on. I sincerely hope that it is Tej who will make my heart a better place. *smiles*
Anyway, yesterday I was angry at an arrogant person. I hadn't visited the forum yet since I am a bit too sleepy to even bother going anywhere else but Blogger and Facebook. So, about yesterday, I resort to pour my heart out by sending Ted Adnan an email. And he simply sent me a link which truly made my day (despite the bad tummy ache)
Please click here.
Preston Mack-- he's the man! Especially when he commented; "Nikon released a pair of the best digital SLRs ever made, the D300 and the D3." Damn, that TRULY made my day! Adeeb and I call those two cameras the SPARTAN CAMERAS. And I had the opportunity to touch a Nikon D3 (didn't dare use it!) and been taken a picture of with a D3! Haha!
Ted, you made it all possible. I was a little kitten at the side of the road, ignored and was left unsignificant in the photography world. Yet, you made me see myself in a different perspective and you are also responsible for my obsession for my cameraphone ;)
Gosh, as much as I loathe August. Things are brighter. Slightly brighter. Hehe! I will blog later when I get in the groove. I am in the mood to read something now. Hehe. Gosh, that article really made my day!
