Something happened last night, right after my nice cool evening shower, something which never happen, happened.
My necklace came off and fell to the floor.
Here is the weird bit, M was the last person who put it on for me and the catch was still locked. And to think Bg Lan told me something last night, "If anything happen to that boy (in respect to me that I don't want M's name mentioned anymore), you don't have to feel guilty because you know that it is not your fault but his... Only then you can forget your painful past..."
Every single word he said is true. To think in the bloody pass, when anything happened to M, I ended up blaming myself when it wasn't even my fault even.
That is the thing about me that I don't like (as I had poured out to Kak Riyya last night). I am too patient. She said I was too optimistic. I believed that everything should have a chance. Even cheaters.
After being slapped in the face by a little thing called FATE... I decided it was time to stop giving chances. Because the more chances I gave, the more pain I felt. Instead of beating myself up the way I did, I might as well move on.
Since, I know I have potentials in looking for someone better than M. Three years together. I endured for a year plus. I cannot afford to kill my heart. It deserves some happiness now... I am happier with myself now... I am glowing more than before. If some of my friends can comment, "Ja, you are glowing and you look very happy" just by looking at my pictures, they should see me in person. *hugs Yip virtually since she is in KL*
Juliana and Serena, too, claimed they've seen the differences in me now. They are also part of the reason why I am happier now. They have been keeping me strong and kept me on my feet. They have been there at the darkest hour of need and had never stopped giving me support. Thanks Girls. There was no loss in forming the Sweater Girls in 1999. I love you girls (not in a lesbian sense!) *winks*
Adeeb, Kak Finie and Bg Shuk? These people are like family. Adeeb had to put up with listening to my tears and laughter. He is the brother I never had. My quarreling partner. My Big 2 partner. Most of all, my partner-in-crime. Kak Finie and Bg Shuk gets my thanks for always bringing me out when I am down just to calm myself down. Yet, everytime I am with this family, I end up laughing away as if there was no tomorrow.
Bg Lan, had always been there to give advice on all the problems I faced with M and he is the one who was most positive about everything. He is the one who taught me that everything is wonderful and can change. Thanks, Bro... Although it didn't work out between M and I but then I appreciate every single advice and attempt you made to help me out. I know you've been trying to contact M just to scold him but M is too stubborn. Now, it is his loss. So, why should I worry? :)
Somehow, Nuril also have been the other person who made me laugh and smile despite hiding all my pain from my own family. She knew I dumped M. She was the one happy for me. I am glad. I figured they found out about M's stupidity and being a typical family member, "you mess with my sibling, you mess with me..." And what did this girl do? 'Steal' M's sunglasses! Haha! Thanks, Bee.
Many others who've helped me when I was left in the dark (sorry can't mention names, I fear I may forget some names), I thank you guys for everything you've told me when I had told you my tale and all my suffering. Thanks for listening and thanks for noticing the change in me.
Last and not least...
My Saviour. It was a good thing a sign was given to me saying that I could depend on you. You've heard me rant out my problems and pour out to you. You've told me things I should be hearing. You've gave me strenght. I don't know if you know but, it was you who've made me open my heart up again when I thought it was fair for me to just close it. You taught me that my heart should be open. Thank you. I appreciate you for that. Seeing your smile made me happy. It feels so nice to have someone to care for you when everything seem down. And, also, thanks for rescuing me from myself.
My necklace came off and fell to the floor.
Here is the weird bit, M was the last person who put it on for me and the catch was still locked. And to think Bg Lan told me something last night, "If anything happen to that boy (in respect to me that I don't want M's name mentioned anymore), you don't have to feel guilty because you know that it is not your fault but his... Only then you can forget your painful past..."
Every single word he said is true. To think in the bloody pass, when anything happened to M, I ended up blaming myself when it wasn't even my fault even.
That is the thing about me that I don't like (as I had poured out to Kak Riyya last night). I am too patient. She said I was too optimistic. I believed that everything should have a chance. Even cheaters.
After being slapped in the face by a little thing called FATE... I decided it was time to stop giving chances. Because the more chances I gave, the more pain I felt. Instead of beating myself up the way I did, I might as well move on.
Since, I know I have potentials in looking for someone better than M. Three years together. I endured for a year plus. I cannot afford to kill my heart. It deserves some happiness now... I am happier with myself now... I am glowing more than before. If some of my friends can comment, "Ja, you are glowing and you look very happy" just by looking at my pictures, they should see me in person. *hugs Yip virtually since she is in KL*
Juliana and Serena, too, claimed they've seen the differences in me now. They are also part of the reason why I am happier now. They have been keeping me strong and kept me on my feet. They have been there at the darkest hour of need and had never stopped giving me support. Thanks Girls. There was no loss in forming the Sweater Girls in 1999. I love you girls (not in a lesbian sense!) *winks*
Adeeb, Kak Finie and Bg Shuk? These people are like family. Adeeb had to put up with listening to my tears and laughter. He is the brother I never had. My quarreling partner. My Big 2 partner. Most of all, my partner-in-crime. Kak Finie and Bg Shuk gets my thanks for always bringing me out when I am down just to calm myself down. Yet, everytime I am with this family, I end up laughing away as if there was no tomorrow.
Bg Lan, had always been there to give advice on all the problems I faced with M and he is the one who was most positive about everything. He is the one who taught me that everything is wonderful and can change. Thanks, Bro... Although it didn't work out between M and I but then I appreciate every single advice and attempt you made to help me out. I know you've been trying to contact M just to scold him but M is too stubborn. Now, it is his loss. So, why should I worry? :)
Somehow, Nuril also have been the other person who made me laugh and smile despite hiding all my pain from my own family. She knew I dumped M. She was the one happy for me. I am glad. I figured they found out about M's stupidity and being a typical family member, "you mess with my sibling, you mess with me..." And what did this girl do? 'Steal' M's sunglasses! Haha! Thanks, Bee.
Many others who've helped me when I was left in the dark (sorry can't mention names, I fear I may forget some names), I thank you guys for everything you've told me when I had told you my tale and all my suffering. Thanks for listening and thanks for noticing the change in me.
Last and not least...
My Saviour. It was a good thing a sign was given to me saying that I could depend on you. You've heard me rant out my problems and pour out to you. You've told me things I should be hearing. You've gave me strenght. I don't know if you know but, it was you who've made me open my heart up again when I thought it was fair for me to just close it. You taught me that my heart should be open. Thank you. I appreciate you for that. Seeing your smile made me happy. It feels so nice to have someone to care for you when everything seem down. And, also, thanks for rescuing me from myself.
